So many upcoming changes!

I’m feeling a little off-kilter lately.

My good friend (maybe even one of my best friends?? Shhh, don’t tell Vern…) moved out last Friday night. Done while I was away, it was really hard for me to open the door on Monday afternoon and see everything gone. Having never lived on my own before (tragic, isn’t it?) this was a distinctly new, and a not very welcome experience for me.

I felt extremly sad. Oh, and lonely too.

Who am I going to download my day to, now? It didn’t matter that it was sometimes 3am when Vern walked through the door, it seemed like my day was much more complete when I had a moment to say hi, give a quick run down of my day, and see how his day had been.

Never mind that we work together… It’s not the same. We don’t much talk at work, other than lunches sometimes, which usually turn into work chats quickly into the break for a bite. I don’t mind.

It’s just that things are different now.

Combine that with an impending change with my work environment, which is still up in the air, but hanging over me like this thick, grey cloud that seems to be growing every day (Light grey though, and almost silver… Again, not bad, just not confirmed and ominous in the meantime). I’m certainly one of those people that would far rather have things be solidified in my life, than things which are constantly changing and evolving. My whole life seems to be on the verge of change at the moment.

Never mind “seems”. It is.

One thing at a time, for Christ’s sake. It’s all happening at once, and I am feeling more than a little unsettled. I hate this feeling.

On top of everything else, I am missing Jeremy. He’s got his own stuff going on right now, and I’m trying to be there to support him during this time of change in his life, as well as support the fact that he’s going to need some space for decompression, but all I really want right now is a warm, long hug from him and a piece of solid footing to place my feet. It’s hard, but understandable that sometimes people who are in relationships go through very separate, but life-altering changes, at the same time. This is indeed one of those times.

On a positive note — I can say one thing that is solid and very exciting and positive is the fact that I’ll be starting my Novice year of rowing on Saturday. I’m thrilled, and can’t wait to hone my skills and compete with my teammates. God, I love rowing. Thanks Jer for showing me how much fun it could be, (and I can’t wait to finally row with you… At some point, anyhow) and thanks Corree for being such a great teammate and amazing friend these past few months!! You’ve also made my rowing experience an awesome one!

Jeez. Is it really September already?? Dammit, I’m starting to panic again. Too much to do before I have to leave for New York in 1.5 weeks. Someone pass me an Ativan, please.