Emotional comfort?
This is an interesting dilemma for a single chick… I enjoy cuddles. It needent be sexual at all. I simply crave emotional closeness with someone I care about. I’ve recently discovered, when I am single, it’s difficult to have this need fulfilled without the other person reading too much into it.
Let’s clarify what cuddling means to me: It could be simply curling up on the couch with a friend and being held while we’re watching a movie. It could be laying in bed, and talking all night long with your head on someone’s shoulder…
My dilemma is, I’ve got a friend that up until recently has given and received said cuddles, and now believes that I want something more than that. I don’t. This person knows this because I have been really honest about what I’ve needed/wanted from the start. Now this person wants more.
Why can’t I just be emotionally close to someone, as a close friend, without them believing that it’s a sign that I am looking for something of a sexual nature from them? Isn’t it normal to have a close friend that you can trust to be that intimate with, without something sexual being desired from the other person as a result? (Especially with clear communication from the beginning?)
How else does a single girl get these needs met, without becoming a tramp in the process?
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Get a man-pillow….
Its all the rage in Japan
*sigh* I wish I knew. If you figure it out, let me know!
I’m confused, J? Who’s posting as Stuey? What do you mean? Am I missing something here?
Maybe your friend would like more because cuddles is closely associated with emotional & sexual intimacy?
No matter how clearly you communicate it and how defined it may be for you, it won’t necessarily be the same for others, no matter how much they might appear to agree with you.
(I know I can not disassociate cuddles from intimacy)
Ah perceptions…
Perhaps a pet! a cat!! provided you like them (I know I do).
i can only say, he’s horny. i don’t know if i’m right, of course, and i don’t want to generalize men. but i’ve never had a male friend who just wants to cuddle. cuddle leads up to other things in their minds. and honestly, i don’t think i’d want to cuddle with someone whom i’m not somewhat attracted to.
Tanya, I’ve been reading you for several months since I accidentall ran across your page. I may not have the right to give a comment but here goes…
Men are sexually driven animals. No matter how much you try to convey your true interests in the manner of cuddling, it eventually turns towards sex for a guy. I should know since I am a guy. I’m not sure any man can spend time in close contact with a woman without feeling his primal urges.
I hate that it is true and that I am guilty of those same feelings and actions but I am afraid that you cannot overcome the rule of nature.
Welcome Russ! (I always welcome comments if they are respectful… Comment away!)
Hey guys… Hate to tell ya, but it’s not a guy I’m referring to.
So, there you have it.
For me it seem like you need a dog
Tanya: To go along with what Russ says… many, many women are the same.
It’s funny. Everyone talks about what “sexual creatures” men are, without considering that… so are women. Extremely sexual creatures. We’re just raised in a way that limits what is “okay” for us to think about sex. Bah.
Me? I’m a slut. I sleep with lots of people, and I enjoy it. I’m safe about it, and don’t see anything wrong with what I do. Everybody has fun, and nobody gets hurt.
The cuddle thing: My best friend is my favorite person to curl up on the couch with. There has NEVER been an ounce of sexual tension between us, because… well, no. So, you need to find someone who is completely unattracted to you sexually, and likewise.
If someone has even a hint of attraction to you… it ain’t gonna work, and one of you (or both) will end up frustrated.
Suggestion only, Sweety. I know where you stand, but my feelings changed and I needed to make sure you knew. Donna’s right by the way. I think girls are worse. But, you know that. (And, as you know, it doesn’t bother me that you discussed this on your blog. I like that you are so open here.)
I say go for it. you might like it. And take lots of photos.
ok, i’m not really that much of a pig…
Have you tried cuddling with a gay man? That would probably work.
You’re right Jason. ’tis me. Was great to meet you all on Saturday night btw. Thanks for inviting me Tanya and I love the blog. It’s so well written and some of the entries really made me think about what I’m doing with my life. I even thought about starting my own blog for a milisecond, then I realised that a) I have a knack of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and b) for my blog to be interesting I would have to include a load of things that my wife would divorce (or kill) me for if she found out!!
I’m resisting the temptation to comment on some of your older entries too, but I may change my mind! We’ll see. Take care. Stuart
Isn’t it Stewart/Stuart from the party?
What a great idea, Paul. Why didn’t I think of that.
Ahhhh! Wish I had the answer for you Tanya. I think shnewt’s idea is perfect. Failing that, do waht I did and get a child, or three! Seriously, they’re brilliant for cuddles and make you feel so much better. Their cuddles are totally unconditional and you know that there’s no thought of sex going through their mind (well, up to the age of about 11 anyway). Not sure this is the ideal solution for you though because, in order to have a child to cuddle, you’ve got to….well…cuddle a guy first and wait a few years (they’re no good at cuddles until they get to about 4)!
Stuey
So true, Stuey… Alas, it’s a chicken and egg thing — The ultimate question.
I can’t believe that you’re posting as Stuey! That is fantastic!
Tanya, I have nothing constructive to offer, so I say good luck to you.
Hey, you are welcome to comment on any entries, S! On the blog topic, you can always remain anonymous. I have two blogs. It’s a nice outlet sometimes!
I’m glad you made it out to the BBQ! It was fun to have you there!