Someone appreciates my opinion!
I regularily receive emails directly with regards to content on my blog… And today, one of my visitors emailed me with a question that I thought might help other single people out there, if I opened it to discussion here. Here’s an excerpt from her email: (posted with permission)
Hi Netchick!
I’ve enjoyed lurking on your blog for some time now, and I thought I’d drop a question to you, since you seem to have a lot of experience with e-dating. [snip]I met a guy on Lava Life about a month ago, and we’ve been dating a fair amount (a couple of times a week). Last night, after sharing a bottle of wine, he said he loved me. I freaked out! I really like his company, and we get along really well, but I’m not ready to profess my undying love for someone after only a few weeks of dating.
I thanked him for being so thoughtful and open, and said that when I was ready, I wouldn’t hesitate to return those words. He looked sad.
Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have dealt with the situation differently? Do guys these days really rush into serious situations that quickly?
~R.
I told “R” that I would post her question here, because she didn’t have a blog of her own, and this situation certainly has come up for me, and single friends of mine in the past.
My simple answer? No, you didn’t do the wrong thing. You weren’t ready to say those words, so you didn’t say them. I think it’s a very bad idea to say something you don’t mean. I’m sure the guy you are dating, once he has time to consider your reaction, will understand. It’ll be more special when you do say it, and mean it.
In fact, it reminds me of a time, too, when I was on the other side of the equation as well — A couple of months into a relationship, I’d said those words to someone before he’d said them to me… And not too long after, he said them in a special way that meant a lot more to me than a “me too” response.
What do you guys think? Do you agree with my advice? Have you been in a similar situation?
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never EVER say it if you don’t mean it. It cheapens the term.
In fact, if I take the plunge and say it first, I don’t want the other person to say it back right away. I want someone to say it if they mean it, not “just because I said it”.
Of course, I also think people who think they’re in love after 2 weeks are fooling themselves with a giant case of infatuation — I recently had to help nurse a dear friends’ broken heart when he pulled the “I love you” out of the bag after knowing a girl for 2 weeks… and gently get him to recognize the difference between “puppy love” and real love. By the end of the weekend, he had gone from agnoizing over being rejected to agonizing over having told her that he loved her when he obviously didn’t. Well, okay, so it probably didn’t help any at the time… hopefully he won’t do the same in the future.
That’s um, uncomfortable. Whever I’m in a new relationship, I never seem to know when the right moment is to say the “Love” word. But, I do know, it’s not within a month of knowing someone. Sounds like that guy is on the fasttrack, and you are just filling a void for him. How can he possibly feel true love after a few weeks? That’s lust. Not love.
btw i am new to this whole blogging thing and i am trying to blogroll you.. you will be my first!
You gave the exact same answer I would have. If you don’t know it–don’t say it. I disagree that it’s not possible to love someone in a short time–but it may be too early to be certain what it is.
I’vve been on both sides of this one and there’s no good answer. But I never say “it” unless I mean it and if that means waiting or even not at all, so be it.
There is the chance that not saying “I love you” back will kill the relationship, but those are the breaks. In a case like that, the other person is probably too fragile to want to be with anyway.
Just did some major reading into your blog…
love you and miss you so much and holy how is it that a blonde haired blue eyed professional with a great physique and generosity and kindness beyond anyone that I have ever met… needs a self confidence boost (although Vern does have some wonderful insight into these things)… Loved your answers to all those questions, loved your advice… and once I read it … made me really anxious to see you! You are the best… and just remember I love you more than anything… no matter what! Can’t wait to see you!
Dee
PS can I wear my special PJ’s?
Hey Sweetie! Nice to see you commenting on da blog! I miss you terribly… And so do your special PJs! I hope you can still make it over for Saturday night! I can’t wait to see ya.
HUGS!