Single Chick Thought, #342
I feel compelled to write about this, not necessarily because it’s an issue right now for me, but because I know a lot of other single chicks in this city are going through this or similar situations in their dating life… Take note, single guys, these thoughts are for you:
Many women do not admit they are old-fashioned (I hate to label it as that, but really, girls, that’s what it is) when it comes to several aspects of dating, but they most certainly are — They like the guys to at least try very hard to pay for the first date, make the move towards the first kiss (not necessarily on the first date), and generally show some interest in the girl soon after the first date. Playing hard-to-get, guys, will bite you in the ass. This means, that you have to grab some enthusiasm… Be romantic. Be excited. Be complimentary. You *will* get this back 10-fold from the girl, if there is a connection between you both.
What not to do, guys? Don’t be negative! Don’t go on incessantly about negative issues of the past — Touching on them is fine, but if you are going into fine detail about past situations that didn’t work out, it tells us girls that you’ve got some baggage that you haven’t yet worked through. That’s not attractive.
Finally? Guys — For God’s sake, take a little initiative and come up with something fun for a date. Leaving every date up to the chick to figure out is not fun for us, and certainly not romantic. Use the element of surprise. Be creative. Your date will appreciate your extra effort. We aren’t a number (unless of course, you use LavaLife as simply a way to fill your social calendar) and we want to be made to feel special.
…Thus concludes my Single Chick Thought for today. I look forward to any additional thoughts you may have on this subject. Happy Friday everyone!
Update: I forgot to include a link from a post a while ago now on this topic… I think it’s a great overview for everyone regarding online dating. http://www.netchick.net/?p=160
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very good points you made …
here via Michele’s
Great points. I’m with you – I’m old-fashioned, but after 22 years of marriage, our “dates” are not quite as exciting. That’s OK. Familiarity is nice too.
Michele sent me….
My wife has said that our first date was a perfect one. It wasn’t spectacular — a dinner at a cheap diner, a movie (Meet The Parents) and a few beers at a local bar after. I was a real gentleman though, and I treated her well and paid for everything.
People were suprised by this as I had a bit of a reputation as a wildman. What am I supposed to do on dates, though? Take her to the railroad tracks to throw rocks or something?
Here via Michele’s.
heheh… Jon, that’s funny! You must have impressed her — She married you.
Excellent advice and so very true! More women should admit several of these points.
Visiting from Michele
huh. I am most definitely NOT old fashioned, by your standards. I get weirded out when guys pay for me. I’m usually the one to initiate smooching. Although I do like attention, but I don’t think that’s necessarily old fashioned… that’s just being human.
Or maybe I’m actually a boy and nobody told me. Hmm.
Old-fashioned = BS!
In my less than humble opinion, if a woman wants to play 21st Century Girl, do it don’t piss around; it is too easy for a person, of either gender, to claim enlightened behaviour as it suits their needs, and drop into out-dated roles because it’s easier/safer/expected. Of course, I can be the cop-out king as it suits my needs, but I generally try and buck-up behaviorally.
The above may be a contributing factor to my ongoing single-hood. YMMV.
Woah, J! I said “Old Fashioned” not “Outdated”. As in, values… As in, the romantic way things used to unfold, rather than these day’s often… NEXT, NEXT, NEXT that seems to come along with the whole internet dating scenario. Quick judgments, lackluster dating, and the same old, same old situations.
I guess I just miss being woo’d. And, I know I’m not alone.
I’m not sure what you read into my commentary but it wasn’t a slam against how most men are dating these days, just saying things that some of us single women are missing out of the dating adventure. We’re not perfect, but at least I’m communicating things that would help men succeed with *some* of us.
great thoughts I will send it along to my friend – who is still, obviously – - – single
Hey T, I believe that times are a changing and women are starting to take the initiative of finding that Mr. Right for themselves. I used to work with a woman who spent thousands of dollars on her body to get it to mimic something like what Paris Hillton is today. She was a sex machine. The problem was, she had very high values: guy must make $xx,xxx.xx, fast car and so on. She had hundreds of guys asking, promising the moon but none met her criteria. Then one day she found the man of her dreams but he had no clue who she was. During this time I worked in the office with her, she would asked me for advice on how to catch this guy’s attention day after day after day. After several days of her flirtatious attempts I finely broke down and told her to just jump right in front of him and ask out right to go out on a date. She did. It was love. She was happy: she found her man. I was happy: because I didn’t have to hear it anymore. He was happy because: what a surprise to have a woman ask you out. Are they still together? I don’t know. Anyways, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Hey T… I hear ya. I *can’t stand* listening to women bitch about not finding the right guy, if they aren’t willing to be proactive in doing something about it. Sure, we all have bad luck occasionally, but you pick yourself up, and you make it happen.
Don’t worry, when it comes to myself, I am not just talk. I act. That said, some things, like I described in my post, are things that I appreciate when I’m dating someone new.
Thank you quite muchly.
I’ve committed it to memory. Good advice.
I think I’m actually ready now, NC.
Thanks again.
Yay! That’s awesome, Trusty! I just know you’ll find someone that truly understands and appreciates you for who you are this time. Keep me posted on your dating adventures, if you don’t want to blog about them directly! I’d love to trade stories
O Kay T, I’m get personal here. I gave up! Yup, I gave up….. The reason? In my life I had 1 really serious relationship, and two “almost very serious” relationships. In the beginning, they were wonderful, but they ended in disaster. I was almost married, and thankfully, we called it off at the last moment: over me storing my sister’s things at my place. Yes, that triggered the whole thing that ended in the apocalypse and us going our separate ways. Since those dark days, I have kept a low profile out of the singles loop. I find that friendship is more valuable than seeking that perfect bride. I’m actually happy because the dating game reminds of the “cow auction” that happens in Calgary before slaughter time. When I’m honest and genuinely truthful about meeting people, not worrying about getting out the pantie remover or other carnal ideas, I find I meet the real people, and that is good enough for me. But yes, I find giving some flowers and candies special because these are gifts that have symbolic meaning in our society. These acts are far from old fashioned.
There I feel much better now.
Some proverbial wisdom from the tribal elders -
If you want something… you have to ASK for it.
Thanks for the innermost thoughts, T! Don’t give up, though. Just look at the situation differently, if you are actually interested in seeking a companion.
Otto: I agree implicitly. Precisely why I posted that today!
I understood what you were getting at, I’m just a little bitter from my own experiences dating. That certainly showed didn’t it. Having been interested in a few girls over the last number of years, I got tired of their cynical, chronic dating ways. I don’t have any qualms about expressing interest, but to be treated like a clingy freak, because of that, is annoying. SO it would seem that I have the girly-man equivalent of what you expressed.
Nothing wrong with getting frustrated with the process… God knows I have on occasion. But, don’t, please lump us all into the same field. Some of us actually appreciate a guy who cares enough to show some excitement and enthusiasm… Don’t lose that.
As a terminally single chick I must say that I completely and whole heartedly agree with your thought. I would also like to add that boys can be totally stupid and they definitely need directions like yours.
)
psst – what is magnolia – is that the whole movie name ?
I am not single ( well technically I probably am as we are not married) but totally with you on the decision making thing especially! My bf (of 7 years) doesn’t make many decisions around the place even if I ask him, he turns it around and asks me!
here via micheles.
Interesting thoughts. I have been out of the dating game for over 20 years and looking back I can still relate to your post.
Some things haven’t changed , talk about it! Good step. Here via Michele’s
Being old fashioned is a good thing….and good things are worth working for. So I agree with everything you said!
I’ve been out of the dating scene for over 22 years(thank God)! I married my Prince Charming.
But I do see what my son goes through (he’s 20) and it’s not always pleasant. Just a note, he prefer’s the old fashion type’s!
Oops here via Micheles!
i just added Magnolia to my dvd rental queue, and made it number 1 _ i will let you know what I think
I never minded going dutch on a first date (when I was single), but I do thnk that commom courtesy has become Old fashioned. So glad I don’t have to do that any more!
Sorry girls. Youre too much of a pain in the ass. I recommend you all become lesbians …. for gawd sake.
Now, I understand that this might be a bit concerning, but….oh, what the heck. We guys have been happily dating robots for about 5 years now. Its great!! Its easy… its fun… no problems… no weirdness. They start acting up… ya switch em off. Okay, occasionally, we will try the “organic” version…. but, we quickly come to our senses.
Life is soooo much better now. Ahhh…
Okay Trixxee… I will be back in about 5 hours…. dont use too much electricity while Im out.
So T what’s up? Bad date the other night?
I hope you aren’t lumping all guys into the same “clueless” group. Personally, I am very careful to make the first date the best. After all, first impressions are lasting impressions.
Plus, first dates are the most fun!!
I got here without michele knowing about it, don’t tell. and can you guess which movie I rented tonight, actually i had a coupon at blah buster.
Thanks for the tip we are all fionding our way in this jungle of ideas.
T,
You just *had* to mention the make the first move thing, didn’t ya.
Holy Smokes—-Tanya you get a lot traffic around here…..Yikes! I lost my train of thought from all this scrolling—- he he he.
Nope, Russ… Not lumping all the guys together — Just some hints for those who would find it helpful.
hehe… Rog — Of course I *had* to mention that. Come on, it’s been four years — We can laugh about it now, right?
Yer adorable!
…Hey Tom — Topics like this always seem to generate more comments. I enjoy the banter about stuff like this!
Perhaps I should start taling about dating and other related topics on my site….. he he he…. With my luck I would get in so trouble that I would need to move!
Those aren’t rules, those are LAWS of dating, timeless and unbreakable if a guy wants a second date.
To the fellow who says he’s giving up.. oh man, no, what, already? Dont do that… You think finding the love of your would be easy? It’s a great joy in life, this love business. If youre healthy and sane, then you could give dating another shot. With each rejection I went from, “what’s wrong with me? Woe is me! Im the worst!” to “Oh well, she likes boring guys I guess, I ain’t boring, Im not a weirdo either, so tough cookies for her.” Still hurts like hell, but less so when I figure I can learn something from each date, about myself and just about eccentric human nature.
Very well put, MJ
How’s the dating scene for you lately? You sound extremely positive! Yay, that’s a great sign!!! (ps: PUT YOUR SITE BACK! I MISS READING YOUR WRITING!)
Aww, Chicky, you’re too kind, I will I will, when I have a good date story, or two, or three
So when’s the next movie night?
There is certainly a trend to this whole more traditional girl thing. I consider myself to be pretty laid back about dating and what not. My roommate however is much more high strung. Her latest read “He’s just not that into” has become her bible. Sheesh. I just say chill and whatever happens happens. Forget timelines and rules and all that crap and maybe then you can be happy.
MJ: How about a week from now? Perhaps Sunday night? Let me know if that works for you!
Jen: You got that straight! I simply avoid books like that at all costs. Good judgement should tell a chick if there’s a match — I certainly don’t need a book to tell me that!