I had the weirdest dream last night…
…I dreamt that I was approached by my birth parents. I was out in a park somewhere in their hometown, (I know approximately where they live, and that they are still married) and my birth mother walked up to me. What made this dream even stranger, is that I dreamt it all in colour, which I rarely do.
I’m not sure I put a lot of weight to what I dream, but perhaps it’s been on my mind more than I thought. They aren’t getting any younger — my birth father is 62 this year (and I’m guessing that my birth mother is probably about that age, too) — And I’m still waffling on whether or not to approach my birth father, who I had wanted to contact a year ago, but things got a little stressful in my life and I decided to hold off. My adoption situation is a strange, convoluted story (which you can read more about here if you are interested), but basically, I have decided that I won’t approach my birth mother as her wishes were made clear in a short letter that she wrote to me, which was included with a veto entered on my adoption records for non-disclosure of her identifying information. What is not certain, however, is if my birth father wants contact as a veto on his behalf wasn’t done. It’s a very strange situation.
Perhaps I’ll finally do it, and get someone to call him for me, which will give him an opportunity to say he doesn’t want contact without the pressure and stress of having to talk to me directly. My reasons are still the same for wanting to know them, and it’s certainly not because I need or even want more parent figures in my life. I have a basic understanding of my genetic background, and family tree on my birth mother’s family side (I did some research and put two-and-two together a few years ago), but I don’t know much about my birth father’s German/Austrian (there’s some confusion there) background, and ultimately, I’d like to know “who” they are. What are they like? And, simply, finish writing that wireframe chapter that I have started as to what my origins really are.
I’m in a good place, personally, these days. I think I’m finally ready to do this. I’ve seen others go through this with mixed results, so I know not to have any hope or expectation…
Have you, or anyone you know gone through this process? What was the outcome?
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I’ve been lurking a while now but finally have something to share as a comment.
My cousin(s) are both adopted. She contacted her birth mother, her father passed away years ago, and they found out that they lived a province away from one another. They met for the first time and found out they had a lot in common and she had many questions of course for her mom. My cousin has since been in regular contact with her mom and her adoptive parents are in full support of that. She just felt that her life is complete now that she has got the answers that she needed and was glad she did it. I will say that she was awfully scared that her mom would not want to get in contact with her though.
Welcome, K! Thanks for stopping by, and sharing your family’s experience with this issue. I’m glad your cousin had a positive result from her contact. My birth parents are located within 3 hours of where I live… I’ve likely lived right near some of my aunts and uncles, in fact.
I know how your cousin felt about the contact — I’ve had enough information to find these people since 1998, if you can believe it!
as a child who has never met her real father (well, i met him when i was three, but don’t remember a minute of that) i think its quite fortunate that you live within such close proximity to your birth parents and that you have the opportunity to meet them – if you choose.
i lost my chance to meet my dad when i was 17 (he passed away from heart failure). All of the questions that were then unanswered will be unanswered forever.
what was he like? what kind of life did he lead? what (aside from my asian features) did i take from him? the list goes on
a couple of years before he died i had the opportunity to meet him, but i was too scared. i couldn’t pluck up the courage to initiate contact with someone who was so crucial to my existance, yet chose to stay away from me. And, though i felt much like you do about not NEEDING him in my life – my Mom did a hellava job acting as both Mom and Dad for me – there was an unmistakable void of not knowing. and i let the opportunity to fill that void pass me by.
by the sounds of that dream, it seems like your heart and mind are telling you something Tanya….
Thanks for sharing, Iris. I think you are right, and I should take this opportunity while I can. The worst scenario is they don’t want contact, and well, I already don’t have contact, so that really isn’t a further loss.
Hope to see ya on Saturday night!
I’m not adopted at all, so I have a limited understanding of your situation. If it were me I would contact him, it would be interesting for me to see what he waslike. However, I would not want to in some ways because of the rejection if he didn’t want to talk to me. However, it sounds like you are very curious and so I’d say go ahead and do it. It might rock your boat, but better to do it now than regret it forever.