How to write a better dating profile:
A long-time blog friend wrote me a while back asking me to look at his profile on Plenty Of Fish – He wasn’t happy with the results he was getting, and he felt he was attracting the wrong type of girl.
I thought, since I know a lot of single people (of many ages) who have trouble writing a profile for dating, that I’d share some of the tips that I gave to this particular blog friend since the suggestions are all pretty universal.
So, in no particular order:
– Leave out the negatives in your ‘wants’, and turn them into positives: So, rather than “no headgames”, how about “I appreciate people who are laid back and easy-going”. Or, instead of: “serial daters need not apply”, how about “I’m ultimately looking to find someone special for a long term relationship”? When I read profiles telling me everything you don’t want as a guy, I’m often left feeling that you are a negative person as a whole — And, this is probably the wrong first impression, that resulted from some bad first dates.
– Be unique: Especially if you are a guy writing your profile! Most girls won’t make the first move unless there’s something really remarkable about what you’ve shared in your overview. I think I’ve written messages to a total of about 6 guys who hadn’t contacted me first, in all the years that I have been dating online. And, those 6 had something very unique about their profile that I couldn’t possibly just move by without letting them know. If you are funny, use your wit… If you are charming, go into detail about your charming ways. Make the profile paint a picture of your personality. Give the person reading it a reason to remember you!
– Mention what you do for fun: How about what a weekend looks like for you? Or, talk about what inspires you? Again, give that person visiting your profile a reason to drop you a line. Perhaps you have a special talent, or you play an instrument, or have a hobby that you really enjoy? When I’m viewing a profile (especially of people who have messaged me) I’m looking for common ground and specifics. Please, please don’t write a couple of sentences explaining why you can’t write a profile. Why are you there, then?
– If you are going to describe a first date (real date, not first meeting), do so with detail. I, for one, will look at that and decide if that guy takes initiative or whether I’m going to be left to figure it out. (Which, by the way, I’m not a fan of… I want to be woo’d, so put some effort in! It doesn’t have to be expensive, just make it fun, and don’t leave it to the girl to put together.)
– When replying to people, write more than a single sentence. F)@(#$&*@#! I hate that. I don’t respond to anyone who does that. Even if they were voted “Sexiest Man Alive” — I wouldn’t respond. Put some effort in! Write something that you found interesting about what you read in their profile, and why you are attracted to them. This isn’t a job interview, so make sure you suggest that you *are* attracted to something in their profile (not just their looks, because I want to know you got past my photo.)
– And, finally, have fun, and make it sound that way in your profile! This shouldn’t be a chore, and if it is, perhaps you need to take a break. Who knows, maybe this experience/adventure will lead you to meet the person of your dreams? Imagine that…
Okay, your turn! What tips did I miss? Any thoughts on my pointers?
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Long time lurker, first time commenter!
You make some very valid points, netchick. Thanks! I think you forgot one, though: How about for the girls? Reply to people who do make the effort to respond to you, even if you aren’t interested. You never know – Perhaps the guy has some single male friends that they can suggest. It’s just polite, you know.
Richard: I would totally disagree. Granted, I’m a bit biased, because I tend to find the majority of people on dating sites horrifying and ridiculous, but y’know, I have better things to do than to write snappy comebacks to every guy who jerked off to my picture.
Reasonably attractive women tend to get a lot of responses. If I responded to every guy who msg’ed me, I’d … be terribly, terribly bored for far longer than I’d like.
Plus, half the responses I get are … um … really, really not worthy of a response. :/
Netchick: The only thing I’d add to the tips: Use proper grammar. While not everyone cares about it, there are still enough of us who do that if it’s clear that you have no idea where the shift key is, and you wouldn’t know a comma if it jumped out and bit you, you’re going to the bottom of the pile. A profile *should* be a little like a resume. Put your best foot forward and all that shit.
On the other hand, maybe I shouldn’t suggest this — I use this as a way of filtering people out. Honestly, if your writing style sucks, I can just about guarantee that we won’t click. Seems petty, but I write a LOT. Inability to communicate via writing is a dealbreaker.
First… Hi Richard! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
But, I’m going to have to agree with Donna on the most part. On the free sites, I get up to 40 – 50 messages a day when I’m active there, and if a guy leaves me a brief reply to my profile, and hasn’t bothered to take some time to grab my attention, he’s not going to get an answer.
And, that’s a good one, Donna! I completely agree with grammar, and punctuation. This is, afterall, a reflection (or should be) of who you are. If you can’t use a spell check, and try to get the basic sentence structure right, then you and I aren’t going to be a match. I’m not looking for perfection, just an ability to communicate well.
Very good points all… and from my own experiences, I find the points above all very valid.
I would maybe add/ emphasize a couple small points, that apply to either men or women…
- spelling, as mentioned by Tanya, means a lot to me. I don’t know of the email client that doesn’t include at least a basic spell checker. Use it. Please.
- be creative, which is a small spin-off from the unique idea. When you list your ‘what I do for fun’ stuff, try to do better than “running, hiking, hanging out with friends”. Everyone in this city at least seems to do these things, so it doesn’t impress me. Show me something that gives me an insight into your personality.
- when replying to people, be polite. You’d be amazed what manners can do for interpersonal relations.
- be honest with yourself… if you have a picture, make sure it’s a true and accurate representation of what you look like today. Hoping that your dazzling personality will make me look past the fact that the picture looks nothing like you? Trust me… it won’t happen. When I walk into a room to meet someone for the first time, I should be able to tell fairly easily if they’re already there.
- express yourself with emoticons. The written word is sometimes open to interpretation, and the reader will occasionally use a different “inflection” in reading than you intended when writing. If you can use smilies (in moderation) to convey a mood, there’s a better chance that the reader will get a sense of exactly what you meant.
As always, just my two bits. Your mileage may vary.
Great advice! You are so pretty, warm and clever – it is hard to believe that guys aren’t just falling from the sky to find you
.
“If you are charming, go into detail about your charming ways.”
I have to disagree with you on that minor detail.
NEVER go into details about how you are charming. If you give them a roadmap to your mysterious qualities it’s not going to be too much fun getting there.
If you’re charming…you are. You don’t talk about doing it or how you are going to do it. This is the fruit of arrogance. That pretty much goes for any aspect of your personality. Don’t say you’re something, show you are something. Don’t say “I’m a funny guy and I’m incredibly intelligent.” Nobody is going to take your word for it. You have to demonstrate those qualities in your writing directly. Besides, doesn’t it make it a bit more fun to write the profile if you force yourself to actually instead of ?
-V
“– When replying to people, write more than a single sentence. F)@(#$&*@#! I hate that.”
oh and one more thing NetC,
I seem to remember someone writing you one sentence and you didn’t mind it. What did that show you?
-V
p.s. the missing words from my previous post was “verb” and “adjective.”
It would have read “actually verb instead of adjective.” I put brackets around them and doh, the net ate them.
Heh!!!
You make valid points, V!
I believe I should post your one sentence reply to my profile — do I have your permission? I’m sure everyone else would get a kick out of it, too! I definitely did!!
Oh yeah, Jeremy reminded me of one other thing: Have a picture. However, have a GOOD picture. Of your face. While I’m unlikely to respond to someone with no picture, I’m VERY likely to simply mock a blurry picture of your bicep. This goes for women, too: Your webcam quality cleavage is not enticing. I would like to see your face, not your tits.
So you’re unattractive? Well, sucks to be you, but y’know — there are people who like everything. I think I’m pretty average looking, but there are plenty of people for whom I am their ideal looking girl. Unless you’re thoroughly ugly, there’s likely to be someone who thinks the same about you — this is the person you want.
Also: Do not send me a picture of your penis. Ever again. Please. For the love of retinas…
You’ve got some great advice there, Tan. I’ll bookmark this just in case my girlfriend ever pisses me off too much! LOL
Here is one for the guys.
DELETE YOUR ONLINE PROFILE, grab a set of kahunas, and go out and play.
Start by admitting to yourself that you are only interested in the girls that get 50-100 emails a day. And then, do the numbers, and figure your chances of scoring a date with one of these creatures. And, if you happen to get a date, ask them how many dates they have had in the last 6 months.
MEN! Take back the world!! Risk getting slapped!! (I would love to get a slap actually.) Damn… that should be my next goal… so suggest something inappropriate enough to be slapped. Of course, that would require finding a lady…. I don’t want a lady.
great tips! i wrote my own article on dating profile tips a while back, so may be a bit dated now (ha! a pun!) http://www.somethingcool.ca/backissues/080904/secondary72.htm
then again, i must have done something right because through lavalife i met the woman i’m about to marry in may. thanks internet!
Stefanie: Aren’t you the sweetest!! Thanks! [blush]
Donna: You go, girl… Completely agree there!
Dave: Ya big meanie — You guys will be together forever!
Vern: Jeez, I just don’t even know what to say to that. Then again, you like to be hit, don’tcha? [grin]
Ian: Good article! Thanks for sharing it. I esp. liked the photo section of the tips. Very amusing.
Vern: Heck, I’ll slap you WITHOUT you having to offend me! (Offending me is pretty difficult.)
Don’t you usually charge for that?
Um, no. You’re mistaking me for a prostitute.
Nc! Make them come up with their own single sentence replies! The real message is communicate!
-V
What?!?! Just a happy face?!?!?! That deserved a slap for certain! (( Gaaad… the things you have to do around here *tsk ))
See? Like I said: hard to offend.