Being Single = Being Vulnerable
I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way… But I always have.
When I’m single, I feel very vulnerable — for good reason. When you are dating, you need to show your soft side… That side that you don’t like to share with others unless you have a great deal of trust already established. It’s the great dichotomy, isn’t it?
It’s very difficult when you are single and vulnerable… And, just getting to know someone. At least for me, it is.
Have you ever felt that way? How did you get over that sensation?
ps: Okay Vern: You caught me on a spelling error…
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Venerable or Vulnerable?!??! LOL
PS: (L)
Thanks everyone for catching my spelling error! (and for Vern who had to make it so public!
) LOL. I totally *didn’t* mean venerable. It was late.
I know what you mean. Myself, I haven’t figuired out how to get over that sensation.
Maybe it’s a gender thing but I don’t have that reaction to being single, Tan.
Exactly the opposite. I feel much less vulnerable when I’m single. Relationships make me doubt myself.
I found a great line in a book where a guy is describing his ideal girlfriend, and he wrote something like “Our relationship would be secure enough that i could reveal all my insecurities without freaking her out.” And at the time it really hit me that that is a true relationship, being it family, friend, or partner. Humans are such strange creatures.
So true, Zoë!
I’m on Team Donna with this one Tan. As a single I am invincible because I don’t ever have to let down my guard. Relationships freak me out – for exactly the reasons in the quote provided by Zoe.
That’s a really great question. I think vulnerability takes many forms. When I was single, I worried about whether I’d be able to find someone and connect with her enough to build a longlasting, viable relationship. Once that happened, I worried about professional vulnerability, then parental vulnerability, then kid-of-aging-sick-parents vulnerability, and…
I guess life has a way of keeping us on our toes, and it generally involves us not feeling invincible at whatever it is that occupies our mind at that time.
Thanks for the deep thought. I needed it!
I agree with you – I too feel more vulnerable when I am single – when I am in a relationship I feel safe enough to show my insecurities. I guess one way I get over it is remembering that the other person feels the same way. I went on a date a few months ago and after I went home felt a bit insecure about how he felt about me since he didn’t even try for a good night kiss…
Then I happened upon a newsgroup that he posted on saying how much he liked the date and how much he wanted to impress me on the next one. It felt really great, and it made me realize that my insecurities were totally not founded. I never told him that I saw his posting, but I definitely went into the next date more confident
.
I also think it is a good idea to go slow in dating… then the vulnerabilities are coming out in small spurts, instead of all at once with a virtual stranger. It’s hard in the short-run, and it takes some self-control but in the long-run I think it is better for everyone
. Thanks for the thoughtful subject!