Handcuffed to hosery.
Jeesh. I am seriously TIRED of being handcuffed to pantyhose.
I mean, don’t get me wrong… I love wearing panty hose because they’re silky and they smooth out all that is wrong with my body in a tight dress, but tonight was OVER. THE. TOP.
I was running out the door. I tried on three pairs of previously-worn-hose before I found a pair that was without that UGLY toe — Seriously, who makes these things? Why on earth would you put a freaking dark toe on them??!
So, I *finally* find a pair that fit the bill — I was wearing an open-toed shoe, so I needed a pair that wouldn’t look like I was 80. I was about to meet up with a bunch of chicks for a social gathering I was hosting… I didn’t want to look like a fuddy-duddy!
I was running a bit late, although, this was afterall, Vancouver. No one is ever on time here. So, it’s 7:28pm, and I have a 5 minute walk up the road. No prob. I throw on my pair of shoes I’ve planned to wear with my red-toned dress, and red leather jacket, and I feel a stab in the side of my ankle. SHIT! The damned shoes have stabbed me, and my damned nylons, and immediately put a run in them.
*sigh*
I run back into my bedroom… Throw off my VERY hot jacket, rip off my screwed up nylons, and desperately hunt for another pair. Except, of course, that I’ve thrown them all back in the same drawer.
Screw it. I open another pair of $8 pair of hose, and just as my other foot is put into them, they DAMN WELL TEAR.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!
JEESUS.
*sigh*
I’m now ripping off my dress. I’m sweating profusely at this point. It’s very hot in my HOTBOX WHITEBOX bedroom.
I decide, it’s too late to rethink my outfit, at this point. So… This chick puts the dress back on, and opens up ONE. FINAL. PAIR. of. damn. f’in. nylons.
I seriously think the people who own these nylon companies are laughing at. me.
And, I’m almost wishing my thighs were a size 4 again. Not really, but almost. At least I could go without nylons. Because really girls, we don’t wear these $8 pieces of crap because we love paying out the money. We wear them because it ‘smooths us out’.
You boys have it good. I don’t care what you say.
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Jean, my lovely and imposing, Tanya–think jeans! LOL I guess they’re not dressy enough for a night out on Vancouver though. Shame tho. I bet you look REAL nice in jeans. *time out for visualizing*
It is summer. It is hot. What the hell are you wearing pantyhose for? What is wrong with bare legs in the summer? Oh, and if you must wear hose – wear stockings (either stay-up or with a garter). Trust me on this.Have I ever led you astray before?
Oh, and if you must have smoothing, which I doubt by the way, wear SPANX. Do you know SPANX? Everywoman should!
I sent me!
SPANX and Tan? Oh, be still my heart! *giggle*
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Spanx. The women who figured out that seriously need some type of very cool award, although, when I was at the Gracies a few weeks ago in New York, I heard she did, in fact, win awards for that design. (you go girl, you are my personal hero!)
I ONLY wear hose because in the summer it’s uncomfortable not to. I’d love not to to be a size 10, but I am. And therefore, this chick needs to minimize the ‘wrinkles’
…thanks for stopping by!
LOL… Dave, you kill me
hehe! Oh, and your girlfriend is a lucky gal! Send some baking my way! I don’t do any these days.
Oh, and I forgot her name, it’s Sara Blakely that designed Spanx originally. She’s super-awesome.
Michele sent me, but I’m glad she did. Fine writing here and very, very funny. (Not laughing, of course.) Sorry about the nylons. I’ve always wondered the same thing about the toe.
Hi Charles! Thanks for popping by!
I read about your triplets… WOW! That’s quite an adventure.
But remember, Tanya, guys have to shave everyday! I wouldn’t change places with them for anything! Michele sent me.
Those things drive me nuts, stupid runs and holes!
That is awful, Tanya. To use up those nylons is discouraging. I see what you mean about it being easy for us men.
hiya!! thank you so much for a fun evening last night!! i meant to mention when the subject was brought up, Body Glide sticks rock for such occasions. I too have the same problem! You can get ‘em at running/some sports supply stores. It looks like a deodorant stick and it’s a huge skin-saving-protecting loveliness my trainer told me about and it works very very well. so you can banish those nylons for the summer and Glide!!!
xoxo
I predict your GoogleJuice score just tripled, if for no other reason that you used the phrase “handcuffed to pantyhose.”
Hehe! I’ll have to look into both of those things, Cynthia! Thanks for the ideas! It was great to see you last night!
Tod… LOL! Maybe it wasn’t by accident? [grin] Just kidding!
Pfft. Cellulite be damned, the only time I wear anything nylony is if I’m going to a wedding or if they’re more… novelty-ish than plain tan nylons. I like stripes.
People don’t like it, they don’t have to look at my wrinkly-ass legs. Comfort over all.
Hehe… she said hot box… hehe
Hi.
I just clicked on a random comment at Michele’s so I’m not really here via her, but you know, whatever.
I love Vancouver and BC. It’s been ages since I’ve been there. My wife and I are headed back next Summer we hope.
(Sorry. Don’t have any thoughts on the hose problem.)
Cheers.
Im sorry I was seriously rotflmao at that post although I did once where tights (sorry im british) and it was just a complete a**e getting them on (while your sitting there giggling) It was for a Rocky Horror Theatre visit and thats the story Im sticking to honest ;o
I hope you had a good night and I just popped by to say Hello as I havent been round in far too long
Donna: LOL! You go girl!
Jer: You find humour in the strangest of places. Yes, I did read your blog recently
Hi R! Welcome! I’m glad you dropped by!
Vancouver is a truly amazing place to visit! If you need tips on the cool things these days, to see, let me know!
Hey Oracle! Haven’t seen you here in a while! Yay! Glad I could give you a smile!
Should you be wearing tank tops and shorts in the summer instead of covering yourself? Show what you got girl.
Hey Tanya, long time…
When I first looked at this post, I had to look twice: was it bondage she was talking about??????
Anyway, I have a hosiery story of my own.
Many years ago I was an extra in a play, live theatre in a small town ameteur theatre company, where me and two other guys had to wear balaclavas made of pantie hose.
I could not believe how much I sweated in that get-up–especially under the lights. Because the scene was twelve minutes long, I remembered getting a heat rash on my neck from those damn things during rehearsals.
How women wear those during a hot summers days is beyond me. I’m glad men don’t wear them. “gggggggggg”
Ha! In Arizona you hardly ever see women wearing pantyhose. It just doesn’t make any sense at all here. I haven’t even owned a pair since my wedding…
I used to have the same problem until I started going to Victoria’s Secret in Bellis Fair… now $10-$20 American for some ‘hose might seem a bit steep but the fact that they have a higher denier than anything you can get at London Drugs is well worth the price. They are silky, sleek, tough as nails and far outlast any other hose I’ve ever bought
The whole idea of disposable clothing, I dunno. Seems the men win this fashion round.
^^ Shaving each day is no effort at all with the new 7 blade razors… hell, my face practically shaves itself now.
See… I really appreciate the pretty and sexy dresses and skirts and hair and all the things you girls do.
Couldn’t you have returned to the jeans … and called it a false start?
But, I think I’m going to get some Spanx — For those not in the know, they are footless nylons that make you appear to have bare legs, when in fact, you still get the smoothing and clean lines of wearing hose.
But, I really like the idea of Rebecca’s suggestion, too… I do, in fact, look at the denier count whenever I’ve got a need to stock up, and they all pretty much suck in Canada… It’s off the States for me!
many years ago, shortly after we all crawled out of the cave, i was working in paraguay, at the german-paraguayan chamber of commerce. the manager of the local lufthansa was in an out of the office all the time and after a while, tried to lure me to work there. good money, 90% reduction on plane tickets, etc. oh, and i had to wear a uniform, which included PANTYHOSE. i said no, and never regretted it.
conveniently, the only place I ever really need to “smooth things down” in tighter clothing is my belly. I have some undies that do that for me.
Pantyhose as PART of the uniform, Isabella? Insanity. I would have said no, too.
Donna… sadly, I don’t wear those, thus the need for the smoothing out.
(shh, don’t tell anyone)
haha, I’m telling EVERYONE!
Haha! Great story; I laughed, I cried (mostly because I was laughing). I’m glad I don’t have to deal with any of that stuff. Getting ready for me takes about 5 minutes, max. I do agree with Kenju, and daily shaving (sometimes twice, if I go out at night) is definitely a pet peeve.