Just when I thought dating couldn't get any worse…
It did.
Quite honestly, I am embarrassed. Embarrassed because my ability to read people, and make good judgement calls based on email messages and phone calls before a first date, has completely been shot to hell.
I’m not going to go into the gory details of last night’s escapades, because it’s a lengthy, and truly frightening story I’d like to forget. But, I’ll give you the highlights in point form, because I’m good at that. (At least I’m good at something?)
Here’s how it went down… I’m sure you can fill in the gaps:
– I get an email out-of-the-blue (I’ve been avoiding dating sites for weeks now) when I arrive home from the PNE from a guy saying we’d met about 4.5 years ago for a first date.
– He explains that he recently came back to online dating and saw my photo and immediately recognized me.
– He wanted to meet up with me for a drink ‘for old times’ sake
– I drop him a line, saying I don’t really remember him, maybe he could give me some details?
– He emails me back, giving me details (a few generic things about where we met, and basically when) and asks me to call him if I have time. So, I call… I don’t have anything else going on last night, so I don’t mind taking a few to solve this riddle
– We talk for about half an hour on the phone, and he mentions it’s his birthday that day
– I exclaim that it’s a tragedy that he’s not out celebrating, and he said he and a few people had been out the night before. I suggest we catch up for a drink that night, since I’m not busy, and won’t be free again until late next week. He asks me to come out his way since he’s had a couple of beers and shouldn’t really drive.
– I agree, as it’s only North Burnaby, and it’s only a drink with someone that I barely remember at that point (and I don’t remember anything bad, so how bad can it be?)
– I pick him up on the way, and we talk further. Suddenly I’m noticing a different side to him. He’s becoming abrasive, and argumentative. He’s also taking liberties I just don’t feel comfortable with, from a stranger (calling me pet names, etc.)
– Also, he certainly hasn’t made an effort to wear suitable clothing for a first date: He’s wearing a worn-out shirt, and pants with stains on them. There are now glimpses of memories of our previous date years ago.
– We get to the restaurant, and he’s bringing up the absolute “no-no” topics on a ‘first date’: why don’t I have kids, politics, religion. He’s also used offensive language several times at that point. I’m starting to realize that he’s had far more than a couple of drinks before I came and picked him up.
– He gets further abrasive after downing two ceasars (I elected to have soda, instead)
– He starts getting really annoying about a number of topics I clearly said I didn’t want to discuss further with him
– I finally say “Look, xxx, I think you are a dynamic, interesting guy, but we’re clearly not suited — Let’s finish our appetizers, and I’ll drop you back at your place” (I try to be as nice as possible, trying not to offend him, but I wanted to be clear that we were not going to be having a second date, as he had several times mentioned dates we could go on in the future, and I wanted to let him know that wasn’t going to happen)
– He gets super pissy… “I’d NEVER EVER SAY THAT TO SOMEONE ON A DATE”, he says angrily. “I’D NEVER SAY THAT TO THEIR FACE.”, to which I said, “So, would you prefer I lead you down the garden path?” and he said “I’D JUST HAVE A NICE DATE, and TELL YOU IN AN EMAIL AFTER”. I responded that I had felt increasingly uncomfortable during the date, and felt it necessary to end it there.
– He’s now raised his voice twice. I take out my wallet… Pull out a $20 bill, get up and let him know that there should be plenty left over for him to take a cab home. I was no longer comfortable, and was leaving. I actually felt afraid for my safety, and wanted to leave as soon as possible.
I’ve now had the *very* worst date on the planet. I don’t believe it can get any worse that that, actually. download Jarhead dvd
Then again, isn’t that what I said a short while ago? Crap!
ps: Don’t forget to put your entry in for the “Super Deluxe 10 Yr. Bloggoversary Contest”, to win a Nintendo Wii! download Rohtenburg dvd
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You’ve certainly had more then your share of dating horror stories lately. The online dating scene sure seems to atract its share of loser men, although I’m sure that often extends to the female gender as well. How about trying a different venue for meeting a potential partner? Have you heard anything about Campoverde Social Club? http://www.campoverde.ca/ We should go for drinks and appies sometime with Rachel when you’re not so busy.
Oh. My. God.
It’s nice to know I’d come off as a gentleman compared to these creeps.
ibid on what Tod says… Dear Lord…
How do people like that not get shot or maced these days?
Hi Charlene! Yep, I sure have. It’s pretty bad out there, relying on online dating to meet men for a serious relationship. Pitiful, actually. I can’t believe I haven’t had a single decent dating story to smile about on here (in, yikes, years?). I’ve tried Campoverde, actually — Several years ago now, when it was strictly a singles club (it’s now more of a social club) but their fees are really steep, and the last time I was there it felt like a meat market (before, you’d pay for a year long membership for thousands of dollars, even if you met someone a month or two in — It really pushed the ‘grass is greener’ mentality, which I don’t subscribe to at all.) But, thanks for the tip!
Tod, you are a gentleman, no matter who you are compared to. You are one of the sweetest guys I know, actually.
Jonathon, if I thought I could get away with it without being charged for assault, I would have pulled out the bear spray… He deserved it. I was actually shaking when I left.
Ooops… ps: Charlene… I’d LOVE LOVE LOVE to catch up with you and Rachel! That would be awesome! I’m free on Thursday evening, at this point?
There’s only one thing I can offer you and it’s this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT1e3aj7irU
OMG… Nancy, you kill me.
wow that’s brutal – glad you made it out okay.
Whoa… Woman the crap you find yourself in!!! Sheesh… I won’t post the web site here, but email it to you. Let me know if you want one of these things… it sounds like you could use one!! I know the guys doing this company here in Denver.
I can’t believe you put down a 20 and left… You are WAY too nice!!
It was nice meeting you at Barcamp and I wanted to check out your blog. What a first story.
Your date: How horrific! What a terrible experience. However, you handled it with grace.
On a side note, online dating can work out. I met my wife through online dating in 2003.
Hope to see you again, soon.
All I can say is… HOLY S**T you have some bad luck!!
Oh dear…what else can I say but oh dear…and I am so glad you got out of there.
Rebecca, thanks. I’m really glad I made the choice to leave. My skin was crawling.
Rick – Thanks for the link. I should totally get myself one of those. I like all the colours!
(I’d probably kill someone with it, though) And, also, thanks for the email. I know I need to use a better way to weed out the weirdos. I used to use a dating panel of four people — Maybe I need to go back to that. It’s such an investment for them, though.
David! Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad to hear that someone has had a good ending from online dating. I met my last long term relationship from blogging, actually, and before that, online dating. That said, I’ve noticed a REAL change over the past 2 years with the type of men I’ve met. Totally different world, now. I think I might have to take courses or something in order to meet suitable guys. Or, maybe I’ll doing something totally nuts on my blog. I just need to do *something different* than online dating the way I’ve been doing so, for the past 8 or so months.
Russ: Yea. Tell me about it.
MJ, thanks. Me too.
I dunno… I once had a date end with a woman ripping the windshield wipers off my car… that was pretty bad.
Hey Tanya,
You’re story kind of scared me a bit. I’m not sure if you have my cell # but if you find yourself in a weird situation, you know you’ve got people to call (like me!). Even if it is just to wait outside to make sure he ‘lets’ you leave. You can’t be too careful.
Dave, omg, really? Or, are you just pulling my leg? Yikes, if that’s true. Seriously!
Shnewt, you are indeed a good friend.
And I have Rachel’s cell, not yours. But I’m sure she would do the same, heh. 
The closest thing I can come to that is a guy showing up at a music venue (simply because he knew I would be there as it was one of my favorites performing). I saw him from a ways away, but I didn’t want to leave. During intermission, I did a poor job of avoiding him–(his stalking of me may have hindered it), and ended up introducing him to my date. He then proceeded tocorner me on the way to the bathroom and proclaim his undying love for me. “I love you, I always loved you. Every girl I’ve gone out with since we quit dating gets measured against you and fails miserably. I would do anything morally, legally or ethically possible to have you back in my life.” This was a brief relationship where the word love was never used until that moment.
I muttered something and tried to make the most of the rest of the show.
I got home to a message on my machine from him. The next night he called about 11 times in one hour and I didn’t pick up the phone. Finally, in exasperation, I called him and told me he was creeping me out, there was no chance of a relationship EVER and to stop calling me.
He has emailed me and called me once or twice, once after I moved to Houston.
I think I’m in the clear now, but this was someone I actually *liked* for a while. My radar was f*cked that day.
Hang in there, it can and does get better!
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.
OMG that’s one horrible date!
Wow!!! I can’t believe what a horrible date that guy was. That’s the number 1 reason you don’t drink (heavily) before you go on a date. I’ve met a few people from online, but never have done the online dating thing. I’m always afraid it’ll end up weird…you’re date, point in case. I have been thinking it’s time to get back into the dating scene though, so who knows, you may just hear some of my horror stories soon.
Just awful. What’s amazing is that these guys don’t see that they are the problem, not the woman they “date”.
My friend recently went on a date with a guy who had the (always appealing) opinion that all women were the same. The date was a horrible experience on every level. At the end of it, she asked him how many women he had gone out with and had the same result (them not wanting to see him again). He replied, “over a hundred”. Unreal…
That does sound like a very nasty date. It’s scary that a person like that can “survive” the Email and phone call screening process. Well… at least this time you’ll be sure to remember him so a few years down the line when he calls again…
Wait, I thought Vancouver had all the nice people