Confession of a normally far-too-positive chick.
I don’t have a single upbeat emotion to draw from at the moment.
I’m battling a sadness like I’ve never felt before. The pain of watching my Dad transform from a positive, happy, charismatic guy to someone who is confused, in pain, defeated, and far beyond enjoying life is probably the worst pain I’ve ever had to experience.
I can’t even imagine what he’s going through right now.
Even saying goodbye to the love of my life in the past, pales in comparison. In fact, it’s a walk in the park compared to this. At least I know he’s still living and enjoying life somewhere, like I have, and will, when I get though this grief.
I’ll be honest. I’m not doing well with my Dad’s illness at all. I want to scream, throw things, melt down, and sit in a dark corner with a blanket covering me and never resurface.
This feels like hell.Riding the Bullet movie Bad Day at Black Rock hd Basic Instinct full movie
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Tanya…there is nothing worse that watching a parent kind of disappear before your eyes…I am so sorry he is going through this and therefor, you are going through this terrible terrible pain, too! I send you HUGS, my dear, and the hope that you will get through this Hell, as you call it….Till you do, be very kind to yourself and to your Dad as well…That blanket sounds like a very comforting thing to do right about now.
Tanya
I feel your pain.
I watched my dad suffer from multiple strokes the last 5 years of his life. I did everything I could for him.
He has been gone 5 years now.I miss him in ways I can not explain.
4 weeks ago after multiple surgeries I was forced to let go of my cherished Blue Heeler dog. A birthday gift, she was only 8.
The life I have chosen has had it’s share of up’s and down’s. Not many of the ‘crew’ are still on board.
At the beginning of my day I thank God.
At the end of the day I find myself feeling extremely vulnerable.
I feel for you family especially your dad.
Some things I find help me.
Mother Nature (especially the water!) (I have a family of eagles I have been watching over for 10 years now, 2 newborn just this spring.)
Hard as it is, learn to accept death and celebrate it.
Celebrate each day as though it is the last.
Reach out to new friends and share experiences.
Help someone in need and always do my best to inspire
positive energy is flow.
I keep telling myself “it’s all good” even as tears streak down my cheeks.
Keep your chin up.
Hugs.
Hang in there T. Call any time, really.
We crazy people have to stick together.
Be strong and hang in there.
T – what a courageously raw and honest post. And I’m so sorry —- I didn’t know that you were dealing with an ill father. You can see from some of the other comments that you are in good company. At some point in most of our lives, we get dealt something that leaves a permanent hole in our heart, that we quietly carry around. It’s part of what it is to be human, I guess. I hope there is a small measure of consolation in that fact. For what it’s worth, I’ll offer some prayers and intentions for you today.
-n
*big hugs* Although I cannot relate to the “father” part of this post, hoo boy, can I relate to the rest of it. *love*
A big warm hug, and a comforting hand on your shoulder is all I can offer you. ‘Cause we don’t know each other, but I do empathise. I am going through much the same with my Mom. Take care NC.
like another commentor said what a very raw and real post! I too have walked what you are going thru right now, for me it was watching my dad disappear very quickly before me, for me, I wanted the pain gone, I wanted most for him comfort and strength, I too wanted to throw things and did, I grieved that I would never again have that nightly call..and it was a thing far worse then my divorce which I thought of as a death at the time.
I can sadly relate to every word and every iota of feeling in your entry, Tanya, and I feel to the root of my very being that you have every right to feel this way.
It’s been ten years since we got the call that my father was in the hospital, diagnosed with serious arterial blockage that required immediate bypass. It’s been a long, degenerative journey ever since, of more surgeries and setbacks and crises. It’s left him a shell of who he used to be, a small, weak, sad man who never knows what tomorrow will bring.
It breaks my heart time and again, and it has shaken me to my very core. Just when I think I’ve readjusted to reality, something else comes along and I’m jarred once more. It’s made me feel older than I am.
Adult children of sick parents: not a happy place for anyone to be. If you need a sounding board, use me.
c
Hey everyone… thank you so much for your kind words here and on email. I really appreciate it.
Honey, I know what you’re going through and, although this is several days later, I hope you’re doing better.
The gamut of emotions you’re going through is to be expected. Just let it happen.
It’s not easy watching a family member deteriorate. You feel so helpless and somehow cheated but those feelings will pass.
The important thing is to be there for him, spend time and tell him how much you love him.