How I found my biological family… Through Facebook!

She’s finally telling the story! Sorry for taking so long with this, everyone, but I wanted some time to digest this, as well as give the people affected by this whole story some time as well.

Let me start from the very beginning… (just kidding, I’ll skip the boring parts most people already know anyhow) For most of you who have read my blog even sporadically throughout the years, you know I was adopted not long after birth. Some of you may even know that I sought out my biological / birth parents when British Columbia opened the adoption records back in 1996. In fact, I was looking before that, but had yet to set out on an active search, when thankfully, the records were opened.

Sadly, though, my hopes were somewhat dashed in early 1997, when my shaking hands opened the envelope from the Provincial government to reveal a ton of black marks marring what was my adoption record. I was, quite honestly, devastated. All that black marker represented information I thought I’d never have about my birth parents.

And then, I looked closer.

I let out a huge sigh of relief, as I realized that although my biological mother had put in a veto against revealing any identifying information, my birth father did not. Tears formed in my eyes, as I shuffled quickly through the papers to also reveal a one page letter hand-written from my birth mother.

I’ve read that letter over and over, countless times throughout the years since I opened it back in January of ’97. I’ve often wondered what it meant that a) my birth father hadn’t put in a veto, when my birth mother had… b) why the letter had such obviously recent information about my birth father’s family [unless they were either married, or still close friends]. Sadly, one fact was abundantly clear when I first reviewed the letter, and saw the record… I certainly *wasn’t* a child of rape as my adopted mother had insisted, because obviously if I had been, my birth father would not have been registered at all, and certainly none of the information that I’d been given in the letter about his family would have been written.

So began the turmoil. Should I contact my birth father through an intermediary? (Since, he didn’t have a veto registered… What the heck did that mean? Was it a mistake?) Should I write them a letter? Should I take a chance, and call them myself, even though my birth mother made it quite clear that contact would be too painful? I was so confused.

I came back to one key issue, though, through the years. I wanted to know my heritage, and I wanted to know where I came from. The few lines my birth mother had written about that simply left me wanting more.

So, in late September, on somewhat of a whim after hearing a story on Crave 95 (thanks Buzz!) about how a birth mother had found her birth son on Facebook… I was inspired.

One evening, after work, I took some time and searched for my biological family on Facebook. (I knew basically who they were through an Icelandic heritage website I’d found a couple of years before… and was overwhelmed by the resemblance I had to my maternal grandmother [my birth mother's photo wasn't there] and striking resemblance I had to a great aunt that I found there. In fact, when I’d found that photo a few years before, I started sobbing, and almost fell off my chair. That was a grounding moment for me. I suddenly felt like I belonged. That I had roots. I also learned that my birth parents were indeed married, and still were.

So, during my search on Facebook that evening, I was astounded by the number of people who shared the last name of my maternal biological family… But I wasn’t daunted. Crazy as it may sound, although I had hundreds of options in Canada, I correctly guessed a male cousin in Alberta. On the first try.

Can you believe it?

I had only a dark, thumbnail photo to go by, and a bunch of names that sort of (but not really) lined up with the heritage site that I’d found… You see, most people of Icelandic decent have multiple names, and often don’t go by their first given name.

And yet, I lucked out.

So, I sent Dennis, my biological cousin a cryptic message that night, hoping he didn’t think I was a wing-nut. I didn’t include any information as to why I was contacting him, other than to say that I knew of his family and before I went any further with communication, could he verify that I had the right Dennis. I promised to clear up the strange message with details once I knew I’d gotten the right person.

After a few days, he wrote back. (He later laughed about the fact that he scratched his head and had no idea how the heck I knew his family?) He confirmed that I’d gotten his family details correct, and didn’t know how I knew of him.

So, I cleared things up.

Thus began many emails back and forth, where I learned a ton about my family. I’m so thankful Dennis took that leap of faith that day.

Eventually, Dennis revealed his communications with me to the rest of the family… and I soon learned of a single female cousin. Who… lives 10 minutes away from me!! (FOR YEARS!)

What astounded me, literally, during this whole amazing adventure, was how incredible these people are! Every single one of them has welcomed me with open arms… All amazed that there’s another piece to that family puzzle they never knew about. Apparently, and for reasons I may never know about, my biological parents chose not to share my birth with the rest of the family. I’m guessing they simply didn’t want kids, and I was given up for adoption because of that. I have no siblings (which I knew about when I read the letter.)

So… to get to the point… Last Saturday night, I was able to meet my only female cousin, Hollie (and her awesome husband Chris) for the first time. The moment was incredible. It felt like a dream (and not just because I was high on cold meds, and running a fever) — I was astounded. It was SO obvious we were related. In fact, one of her two adorable daughters looks so much like me when I was her age… But, I guess you’d have to be adopted to really understand what it’s like to finally *see* roots, in flesh and blood.

Hollie put it perfectly, actually… It was like finding a piece of me. I’ve now filled in a chapter that has been blank my whole life.

We met at 7:30 that night, and actually closed the lounge down! And it felt like no time at all. Actually, it felt like I’d known her forever.

I can’t thank these wonderful people enough for the warmth and welcoming they’ve shown me. This is all so incredibly more than I ever expected. I’m so lucky.

I can’t wait to meet some more of the family next month, when I travel to Alberta when get back from Europe.

ps: I look positively ill in that photo above, but Hollie looks amazing! (I’m sorry I was so sick for our first meeting!)

UPDATE: Baby Mama video Thank you to Buzz Bishop

Nightmare City 2035 film

Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper full movie

, who got me on the air today at 95 CRAVE — Here’s the interview about this story if you missed it on-air!

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