FRiDAy sILLynESS! (and an update)
In all seriousness, this was one Friday I was counting the days until. You’d think since I just came home from vacation a few weeks ago (2), that I’d be well-rested, and content.
Problem is. I haven’t been sleeping. At all. Pretty much.
For over a week.
Clearly, this isn’t doing my mental state much good. Quite honestly, I think I should have taken a few days off when I got home to properly grieve the loss of my Dad. This became very apparent today, when I had an overwhelming urge to hear my Dad’s voice. Bloody Telus Mobility had reset my voicemail while I was gone on vacation (of all the times??!!) and two of my Dad’s voicemails which I’d saved from months before had been deleted, along with other important messages as well.
But, today, I thought maybe, just maybe my Dad’s wife wouldn’t have changed the answering machine message yet. So, I called her home when I knew she’d be at work, to hear some dude’s voice that I don’t even recognize. My heart sunk, and it took everything in me not to start sobbing at work.
I’m obviously having a far harder time with this than I had anticipated. I thought previously… He’s been sick for 3 years, slowly moving to this point… I was prepared for the inevitable. But, I obviously wasn’t. This is two Christmases in a row that I’ve had a major loss. This one is far worse, but, I’m starting to think this whole season is jinxed for me.
Okay, enough of the sad stuff… Here’s something that made me smile today: (Mr. Deity, Episode 2!)
Let me tell you some of the good things which have happened recently, since there are plenty of those things to blog about, too! Firstly, my super-great cousin (of the new-found variety) Hollie and her awesome-sweet husband Chris came over with their two girls… I hadn’t had a chance to meet my second cousins yet. UM. ADORABLE!! They were the most well behaved children I’ve ever seen. Hollie, Chris and I talked for a few hours while they quietly played to one side of us. I barely heard anything out of them the whole time. I laughed at one point and said, “You guys cannot possibly be biologically related to me — I was a rambunctious child that drove my Mom batty when I was your age.” Both Violet and Lily are beautiful blondes who will definitely break some hearts when they get older. Lily, the youngest, looks strikingly like me when I was her age. I still can’t get over the family resemblance I’ve seen while getting to know my biological family. It’s amazing to me!
Also, after a short meeting with Donna and Justice (her dog) at my place this week, we confirmed that it would be a good fit to have Donna move into Tyler’s old rooms… So, I have two new additions to my household sometime around January 15th! Let’s all keep our fingers crossed that my landlord doesn’t make a surprise inspection and freak out with the dog there. Considering I’ve never met my landlord, who works from Seattle for a property owner-group, I doubt that is a concern. My quarterly inspections are pre-determined (and only required to keep the insurance rates for my landlord reasonable (nope, no grow ops here! …see you in another 3 months…) and I always get notice. I’m thinking it’ll be fine. In fact, I know we’re going to have a lot of fun together!
What are you looking forward to, this last weekend before Christmas? (Did you get all your shopping done?) Me? I’m very much looking forward to TheatreSports’ Christmas special improv tonight with Miranda and Reilly (I’ve got one extra, free ticket… if anyone wants to join us, leave a comment!
) Should be a blast…
Tomorrow morning, I’m meeting some friends for breakfast at Stella’s, and tomorrow evening I’m going to Campoverde’s (the social club I’m a member of) SupperClub. And, Sunday, I’m not actually sure what I’m doing yet. If you want to hang out with me on Sunday, drop me a line!
xoxo Love ya guys… Have a fabulous weekend!!
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Tanya, no on can actually prepare for something like that. My Great Gramma was ill for the last 8 years of her life. In and out of the hospital every winter with pneumonia, arthritis, and other things I won’t mention here; her body was dying. We all thought it was only a matter of time. Then she kept getting better right after and kept trudging along. She was 98 when she finally died. I thought I was prepared too, but I definitely wasn’t.
Yay on the new roommate(s)! What kind of dog is Justice?
And you are welcome for the card. Hope it brightened your day.
reddirtroad’s last blog post..winter in the kootenays
To help with loss, I’ve attended an event called “Blue Christmas” (http://ottawa.anglican.ca/blue.shtml). It’s been helpful to mark the occasion of the season’s passing.
Congrats on the new room mates. The distraction can help.
Me, I’m looking forward to hanging out with my MIL who’s visiting from the west. Possibly playing a few hands of cards, watching bad TV, cleaning the house … we’re supposed to have freezing rain this weekend. I’m not looking forward to that.
richgold’s last blog post..One week later
Tanya,
I am feeling your loss sweetheart and even though I’ve just started reading your blog, I am sure you have the strength to pull through. If alive, my father would be 69 years old today. I miss him each and every day and I lost him when I was 13.
Sometimes it catches me by surprise how long ago it was and how much I still miss him, but it also reminds me how wonderful he was.
Remember the good things, the happy times you shared with your father. If you close your eyes you’ll hear his voice. Also, if you feel that you are truly taking this much harder than you can handle turn to someone, don’t let it internalize and incapacitate you. Take care of yourself so you can live the life your father would be proud of.
I hope you have better holidays in the future.
Unfortunately regardless of how much we think we can prepare ourselves for things, that preparation always seems to end up not being enough.
Anywho, as far as what I’m looking forward to this weekend, I’m just looking forward to getting together with my cousin to work on our screenplay more. We have a goal to finish it by the end of this month. With 36 pages written so far we’re about half way done, so we really need to pick up the pace a bit.
Of course being a sports nut I’ll probably have to squeeze in some time for college basketball in there somewhere as well.
Mike’s last blog post..I am only somewhat legend
Hi guys! Thanks for your comments, and suggestions.
What I can say at this point, is that I am extraordinarily lucky enough to have just made contact with my biological family (for those that don’t know about this, click back a month) — I’d contacted them, (on FaceBook) after realizing that life is FAR TOO SHORT to be waiting for someone that you want, to contact you… YOU MUST make the first effort, if that is what you aspire to achieve.) I achieved far more… FAR, FAR more than what I’d ultimately dreamed for.
I got, in essence… another family. And, I’m so eternally grateful for the stability and roots that these amazing people have provided for me.
Thank you.
This is more of a gift for Christmas than I could have ever hoped for in my entire possible dreams, and in some few short emails and conversations, have provided me an entire lifetime of roots and stability that I never had previously thought possible.
Thanks everyone. With loss comes renewed life. I now understand what that truly means. I can’t wait to know you all so much more.
Love,
Tanya
I feel so lucky to have you in our lives, Tan. When I think of you, it’s that same excitement that I felt when a new baby is born to a member of our family. I still can’t get over the fact that we live so close to one another. Thank you for the lovely comments about our girls. Yes, they certainly are special people, for sure. I really look forward to many years of great moments with you and our family. By the way, we played the cranium game today (the one you gave to Violet) it is lots of fun! Violet won. Hope your weekend is good. We are just hanging out and NOT Christmas shopping. The girls have their cousin over for a sleepover. It sure is nice to have a special cousin in your life!!!!!!!!
luv, Holl.
Hi Holl!
Yes, it feels so remarkable to be surrounded by a new family that has welcomed me with such open arms. Best. Christmas. Gift. Ever!
It sure is nice to have such a special cousin, and so close by, too!!
Love,
Tan