This weekend marks a year.
It’s been a bit of a sad week for me. I’ve been thinking about my Dad a lot… Wishing he was still here.
It was this time last year that I was on the cruise in the Mediterranean, when I found out on the first night that my Dad had passed away. You see, when I lost my Dad, all the ties to the quasi-family I had, died with him. There were too many issues, and too much hurt, and it was better to let it go then deal with the deep sadness over and over again.
But, I do wish that I’d had been given the opportunity to say goodbye to my Dad while he was still conscious, instead of being called to his hospital bed days after he was admitted, where he never regained consciousness.
I regret that I let family issues get in the way of seeing my Dad more while he was sick.
But, that was a year ago, and this is now… And now, I feel much healthier and happier than I did for those months after I lost my Dad. Now I “get” that death is inevitable, and I’m remembering the happy times that I shared over the years with my Dad.
It took me a long time to get here, but, I’m here now.
Dad, I miss you every day, but I know you are in a better place. Rest well.
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My dad is still with me, I know it. I talk to him often and can feel it. Are you listening hard enough? I’m sure yours is there too.
Oh Tanya….I saw your note on twitter…….your story touched me and I’m so glad you came through this past year stronger, happier and at peace! I have to believe your dad knows how much you love and miss him. {{big hug}}
I know very well your feeling of sadness at not getting a chance to say goodbye. Lost my mom to cancer in 1996 she was only 56yrs old, she lasted just over a week after being diagnosed. I lived in Toronto at the time and raced out to Victoria where she and my dad lived. By the time I arrived she was heavily medicated on morphine and was never lucid again.
Back then I was selfish….always too busy to return her calls right away or to fly out and visit her. Life was all about me me me. Parents would always be there right?
The last time I heard her speak to me as the mom I knew, was on my answering machine. A call I’d let go to voicemail only days before finding out that she was sick. Regrets…..I have a few. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and wish I could talk to her.
Life deals us some harsh lessons.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing my story…..wow….I had no idea I was going to until my fingers just started typing!
Take care
Janice
Everyday before I go to work it’s on my mind that something may happen to me or to my family, so I always give them a big ol’ kiss before I trek through DC to work. That may sound macabre but I actually feel a sense of peace. And, life on earth’s too short to not pass up the opportunity to say, “I love you” to my family.
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@Johnny – Long time no yack, stranger. How’s things? I can’t believe it’s been 3 yrs already for you. Thanks for the note
@Janice – Thanks for stopping by, and welcome. Your story touched my heart. I can see why you’d relate to mine. Thanks so much for sharing it.
@BrotherO – Welcome, too! Thanks for stopping by. That’s certainly a great way to live, I think.
i am glad to hear that you seem to be in a peaceful place in your life … i was thinking when you were on your recent cruise that it would soon be a year since your dad passed. i am sure that he would be happy to know that you are happy.
by the way … i just signed up to do a half marathon (toronto in september ’09) for the arthritis society’s joints in motion program … eep! i may be borrowing from your fundraising ideas in the coming months!
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Dearest Tanya,
You’re a really strong woman and you continue to inspire me. I am glad you can now realize all the happy times that you had with your Dad and that you’re able to cherish them
Much love,
R.
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@Michelle: Thanks for your kind words… And best of luck with your half marathon in TO! That’s exciting!
@Raul: Aww, hon. Thank you! You inspire me, too.