Yet another bad date drama.
So, this chick is doing “speed dating” tonight… Now, I’ve just got to get my head around it, and put myself in a better frame of mind about dating.
Because… Drum roll please: You guessed it. I had another gong-show date a few weeks ago.
Get this: I’d been speaking with a guy for a few weeks on the phone and via an internet dating site (probably about 4 calls total) — I had been really busy getting ready for my vacation, fundraising for Team Diabetes, training, and organizing Third Tuesday — and, I finally had time to catch up with the guy for a date a couple of Sundays ago.
We met at Section 3, one of my favourite restaurant/lounges, for a drink. Thank God it wasn’t for dinner (he’d asked if we were doing dinner or a drink). I don’t have many rules for first dates, but that’s one of them — Only catch up for a drink or other activity that you can get out of quickly if it goes sideways.
Like this date. The majority of the date consisted of the guy rambling on about his ex-girlfriend from years ago — her setting up a threesome for him for his birthday, as well as other equally inappropriate topics for a first date. …Talk about things you don’t want to know about someone you would even consider going on a second date with? (not that there was any chance of that)
To be honest, I got an inkling that this guy had a fairly one-track mind on the phone, but he seemed dynamic enough that I chalked it up to nerves. Apparently, I was wrong.
Oh, and the awesome part of the evening, as if that wasn’t bad enough? While I ducked to the bathroom half-way through my glass of wine, he had obviously asked the server to separate the bills! For one drink each! When the server brought two bills to the table at the end of the date, that was the final straw… I threw down a $10, looked at my watch, and declared that my parking meter was expired and I had to run.
What a weirdo.
So, now you can see why I need to adjust my attitude about men and dates, for tonight. I’m clearly going to need to take a different approach to this whole thing.
Oh, and if anyone’s seen my intuition, could you kindly return it to me? Thanks. Bad Santa buy
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Oh my! that is priceless.
Be sure to let me know how speed dating goes. I give it my first try in December.
Singlegal
Singlegal’s last blog post: What Was Missing
Ah speed dating. That takes Cohones. I suggest you start every conversation with “How big is your unit?” Don’t think that’s appropriate – I had some guy tell me about how large his was last Friday – and we weren’t even on a date. Dude…
Monica Hamburg’s last blog post: It’s Good to Have Plans
Man o Man o Man … hard to believe these are adults you are dealing with. I just keep thinking of the friends I know that did meet online and have great relationships and hope there is a decent guy around the corner for you to even just have a nice glass of wine with…geez.
You know, I’ve never tried speed dating. I do A LOT of dating with guys I meet on line. But there’s something abut speed dating that just makes me say – no. As to your date, well, at least he didn’t smell bad (you’ve got to look for blessings).
SINgleGIRL’s last blog post: Making My Own Space
Hahaha what a guy, he must’ve though you’d be turned on or get super intrigued by those stories. Good choice you made to make a dash for it!
Katy’s last blog post: Things I Love
T:
If a guy is truly interested in finding someone special, they won’t do that.
OMG Tanya….what a jerk! (and a cheap one at that!) I’ve got some hilarious stories to share about my internet dating adventures since moving to Vancouver….but I’ll save them another time. I’m starting to think I’m going to have to import someone….lol
Really curious to hear how your ‘speed dating’ goes this evening!!
This is funny. I was just telling my mom last week why I do not have the personality for online dating. I am going to have to share your story with her. But yeah, I have tried it and it’s just been a disaster for me. I hear about people meeting their true loves online but somehow I only meet socially dysfunctional, hygienically-challenged Casanova wannabes. Agoraphobics, those who ask you what your favorite sex position is before they ask your name, lechers who are old enough to be my father and don’t see why that is creepy, those who are young enough to be my son and want to learn the ways of love from an older woman (and don’t see why that is creepy) and my personal pet peeve: man after man after man who asks you out but then makes you plan the date. I am disgusted and sick of the whole thing.
I, like you, am feeling like I am at a point in my life where I really want to meet “the one” but I have zero ideas about how to make this happen.
This is no way helps you at all. I just wanted to say I am right there with ya, sister.
Wow what a fun night
Least like you said it was only a drink and the nerve of that ass to go dutch over 2 drinks? WTF?
I hear stories about single women in Vancouver dating and I wonder where all the normal guys are? There has to be some single ones kicking around! Right?
I’ve heard good things about speed dating.. and I personally recommend PoF! lol
Tyler’s last blog post: Chilling Beer
Wow, I just had to spam my first troll comment in years. *shrug* That Edmonton ip address is now banned, so it’s all good — I just can’t believe I’d get hate mail over this story! Sounds like a guy who’s bitterly single, and probably did similar things in his own dating life, to make him that way.
Just a note to trolls — I don’t give you a voice here. If you have a meaningful comment, whether or not you agree with me, I’ll always approve it. I won’t approve garbage.
Thanks to everyone else who validated my horror-story date! You guys rock!
Wow that sucks. LOL Everyone knows (except him) that you don’t talk about exes with a new date.
btw. Hello from a fellow Vancouver Twitter user.
Lol, wow, that guy just has no clue. Just remember not to hold your past bad experiences against guys you might meet in the future. Every person is different, so give them a clean slate to work with, or you might miss out on someone great.
Laura’s last blog post: The Relationship Series: My Online Dating History
You know, I don’t know if there’s any approach or anything that’s going to change meeting duds out there. But at least this guy made his colors nice and clear
goofy girl’s last blog post: Pineapple Pattern
OMG Going Dutch on a first date is NOT a good rule.
Good for you, Tanya. You are worth the wait, so let’s just hope a better guy shows up soon!
Raul’s last blog post: Happy American Thanksgiving!
Tan, you will find your “guy” , and it will probaly be when your not even trying.It could be some silly place like in a supermarket or even something like the laundry room.But just remember ,we.re not all “whacked”, good luck tonight, {you never know this could be it}!!!
At least you’re geeting fuel for some great war stories.
I ah… don’t suppose he gave you the number of his ex-girlfriend… cause… well.. ah, forget it.
shnewt’s last blog post: Giving Birth to a Bouncing Baby Bravia
I think you have a book in all of your dating experiences. Some of them are totally cringeworthy. You definitely deserve better!
Separate bills? For drinks? Gaaa…
Carmi’s last blog post: Thematic Photographic 26 – Sweet
He must of already known by the time you went to the washroom that the date was a total bust.
That’s the only reason I can think of that someone would separate the bill on a date and think it’s ok. Even still he should’ve covered it.
If he separated it but still thought the date was going well. Then he was an idiot.
Gak. It’s unbelievable how many stories I hear like this. What the hell is wrong with men in this city? My wife’s best friend – a very eligible Vancouverite – has tons of them. The best recently was the ‘graphic designer’ that started the date by getting called to make a burrito delivery – his part-time job apparently – and took her along for it before sushi, then invited his roommate to join them at dinner…a dating coach who grilled her for her dating habits the whole meal.
Douche dating, apparently it’s epidemic.
Simon’s last blog post: Green Thumb Theatre has a blog (?!)
I’m sorry you had such a bad date, Tan. I’ve been lucky enough to have only had around 3 truly bad dates in my life. Must be that intuition thing, y’know?
Utenzi’s last blog post: Kitchen Toy
You haven’t lost your intuition. You took a calculated risk and it didn’t pay off. You were smart enough to keep it short as well. If you’re looking to improve intuition, investigate deep listening skills which apply to vocal cues as well as body language.
Hmmm, well, I have tried internet dating on and off for a few years and have had some great successes, and the odd miss indeed. So we heard from a few ladies above and I would like to offer a view from the flipside.
Note: this is not to imply that anyone here is “doing it wrong” or whatever, this is just my personal observation.
What I might offer to those interested is some simple advice, culled from my personal learning:
1) be honest
2) be realistic
3) expect little for a first date
4) ask tons of questions before even agreeing to a first date
5) you have to be committed to the process of dating.
Honesty: Nothing (to me at least) is less appealing that meeting someone and they are not what they represented. Be it physically, mentally, etc. – a lie is an immediate deal-breaker. If you start without trust, where can you go? IMHO anyhow.
Realism: I truly find that many women are expecting to meet Mr. Millionaire that is comfortable with going out once every week or two (maybe), that is tough like a biker, sensitive like a woman, etc. You get the picture, a touch unrealistic. Be real and set your sights on an average looking partner, employed, intelligent enough to hold a conversation. Start there, then you can expand when needed.
Expectations: While wouldn’t expect to go dutch, don’t expect a first date from the internet to be $100 a plate either. We all want to be able to get out if needed (been there) so the casual meetup is a great plan. I like coffee, a drink, whatever. Simple, nothing lost if it doesn’t work out. I always think that no matter what, I’ll come out of it with a great latte.
Questions: I like to ask a ton of them first and from all over the map. I’m not looking for right or wrong answers, more like how do they converse? Are they a one-upper in conversation? (It’s one of my peeves) Are they listening during the conversation or waiting for me to finish so they can talk again? Do they ask questions about me too?
Commitment: I have dated a couple of women that really only wanted to date someone like once a week or less. Not enough for me. Maybe it is for you and that’s OK, but I want to build a relationship, not have drive-by attention. I feel that you HAVE to be committed to the process of dating. Yes it takes valuable time but you can only get out of it what you put into it right?
So anyhow, sorry if it sounded like a rant but it really wasn’t. I have personally met two really great women online that I really enjoyed sharing part of my life with and at least wondered about sharing all of it with them. It didn’t work out for various reasons but that’s OK, that’s part of the process. I wish them all the best, I truly do. I’ve met a few others that I dated maybe a half dozen times, and a couple that didn’t make it past coffee. Some don’t even get to coffee to be honest, but it’s all part of the process. The long, sometimes frustrating process.
It’s not for everyone, I’ll give you that, but it can be very rewarding.
Cheers all, have a wonderful Christmas! And sorry for the loooooong comment.