The dating process
Although I’m using much of my remaining positive attitude (which hasn’t quite depleted) to stay upbeat about being single, I’m finding myself frustrated with dating in Vancouver. I’m not cynical yet, though.
I know Mr. Right is out there for me.
I just need to go about finding him differently. So, I’ve been researching matchmakers in Vancouver. And, to be honest, I haven’t been impressed with the options… Actually, “impressive” would be a word near the bottom of the list of adjectives I’d use to describe Vancouver matchmaking services.
Here’s what I have a problem with:
- – contracts that are a year long (or longer!)
- – no pricing on the site (are they embarrassed at what they charge?)
- – matchmakers that list their clients, even in a generic way (hello, I didn’t hire you to find Mr. Right online)
- – matchmaker sites that look like 1999 called, asking for the code back
- – no matchmaker bios
- – no clear specifics of what a matchmaker is going to do for the fee
- – professional matchmakers that make the client do all the work
I have plenty more to nitpick about, but those are the main areas of concern.
Have you heard of anyone having success with a professional matchmaker? Or, a recent online dating success?
mode demploi viagra (Online dating was far different even 3 years ago… There’s been a huge shift I’ve found over the past while)
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I’ve heard eharmony is good…
Unfortunately, I don’t have specific reports for you.
Morgan B’s last blog post was… New Page!
I could tell you about my sisters horror stories of eHarmony.
I’ve heard of e-Harmony horror stories as well, but I haven’t ever tried it.
I know Shree (a woman dating coach) and Ronald (a male dating coach) are following me on Twitter. I can ask them if you want.
Raul’s last blog post was… Congratulations to Ianiv and Arieanna! Anniversary and a new little Blogaholic coming!
@Morgan – eHarmony was a nightmare for me (back when the rest of online dating wasn’t bad…) Thanks for the suggestion tho.
@Al – Wow, that was quite the story. Yikes.
@Raul – Thanks hon, but I’m not looking for a dating coach (I have one with my personal coach) — I’m looking for a proactive matchmaker… A third party that can review men for me, and set up a few qualified dates.
The problem with matchmaking companies is that they are limited by their membership. The chances (I think) of your perfect partner being in this limited pool can be quite low.
I like the book “Be Your Own Dating Service” (by Nina Atwood). It takes you through some decent exercises on mapping out your social networks and how to expand them. Most people meet their partners through their friends (and sometimes work). The key is to dabble in a variety of communities and to try to figure out where the kind of guys you like hang out.
Divine Intervention Matchmaking was profiled recently on Breakfast Television, and had some good tips and viewpoints. See http://www.divinematchmaking.ca/divinetruths/extraextra.htm for the videos.
I recall not too long ago a company in vancouver (don’t recall the name exactly…”cupids something…”). That would proactively go out and hunt down some good dates for you, by attending parties, approaching people running on the beach, etc… on your behalf and setting up a date for you. Don’t know if it worked but sounded like an interesting approach…
Hey P… A true matchmaker goes out and screens potential single men, based on the needs of the client, not pull from a dating pool they already have.
Go Cupids uses their own pool… See above.
I need a true matchmaker — I just don’t have time to expand my circle any more than I already have. I have a huge network, but I’ve pretty much exhausted all avenues there.
Can you tell that I’m pretty much at the end of my rope? Next stop… Mail order husband (joking)
i saw a w5 (or marketplace … but i think it was w5) on dating services that painted them in a very negative light … but they were more agencies than alicia silverstone’s character on “miss match”, which is what i think of when i hear the word matchmaker.
michelle’s last blog post was… life’s a beach.
Try eHarmony.com, I’ve heard a lot of good things about that site.
My Aunt met my Uncle some years ago through AOL Instant Messenger. Not sure how it happened, but it did, and they’ve been together for 10 years or so.
Good luck with your search! But to be fair and honest, I’ve had better success finding dates in the real world instead of over the Internet.
Thomas’s last blog post was… How To Improve A Router
I think having a friend or family member make an introduction is the safest way to date or by joining organizations and attending meetings or get together’s. I have a wonderful friend of my husband and mine he’s 55 and it’s been a nightmare for him to find someone to take to dinner and just talk too. He’s using an internet something and last time we visited he showed us some of the responses and they were scary..
I’ll be hoping for someone to come into your life who is worth your time and energy.
Blessings..and good luck
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post was… olive dip
@michelle – I haven’t seen that… I’ll go look for it! (thanks)
@Thomas – Thanks, but no more online dating sites for me. eHarmony sucks, unfortunately. They would be more appropriately called “eDistanceDating or eLderlyDating” — that company tried to set me up with men 6 hours away from me, and men that were over 15 years older than I was! Things have changed a TON in the past few years with online dating. I was successful quite a few times in the past, but these days, they are more hookup sites than relationship sites.
@Dorothy – Thanks! I have exhausted all of my contacts, and I am stretched for time to meet even more people, so I’m hoping I can find a professional to take some of the load off.
Tanya (aka NetChick)’s last blog post was… The dating process
Alas, I haven’t heard of any success stories with matchmakers. But I have heard of lots through sites like LavaLife and Plenty of Fish.
Gord and I met through a walking group seven years ago.
Teena in Toronto’s last blog post was… Celebrating Gord’s birthday
Hi Tanya
Two of my girlfriends are in serious relationships through eHarmony. One of my girlfriends told me about it – I signed up – and then I told a friend – they are doing great with it – I didn’t do so great with it and decided to not renew when my 6 mos was up.
A friend of mine has a friend on Vancouver Island who was trying all sorts of ways to meet somebody to no avail – and then one day when she was getting her mail at the mail box at the end of the driveway -her neighbour was just getting his mail as well. They hit it off and are an item.
I am past the age of meeting guys in bars or clubs. I agree with one of the comments above that you can meet someone thru work or friends or even just in a bookstore or even the gym.
I like the old fashioned way of just meeting someone through a common interest and then going on a date.
It’s a journey.
Tanya:
Don’t worry it will happen. A friend of mine, who is in her 40s was frustrated with the process as well, and then quite unexpectedly she found the one, and she’s been married for several years now.
The thing about Vancouver, is that it’s very cliquish and men are the worst about this. They tend to prefer to hang out with their little group of buddies but don’t participate in activities on their own (well, uh unless it’s althletic/outdoor sport related!) I see lots of interesting looking men at Kits beach, Granville Island and wonder how the heck I’ll meet these guys …
best wishes,
P.
Hey Tanya…
Yikes! I checked back here to see what others had to say and it looks scary doesn’t it? I think the matching of two people is incredible…
The worry I would have if I were watching a friend go through this would be that they could get caught up in all the superficial requirements… experiment with going on dates with people that you wouldn’t usually be attracted to. You may be surprised. Sometimes what you need isn’t necessarily what you think you want.
if I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion: I would have to give is not to attempt to find a “perfect” person (sounds boring to me) but if you can find someone who cares deeply for you, they (human idiosyncrasies and all) will form your own definition of perfection.
Best of luck Tanya. I have no doubt that there is a man out there for you and that you will find him
morganb’s last blog post was… New Page!
Maybe it is a matter of Mr. Rights, not one stop-shopping but 2 or 3 men that as a group have all the attributes. Think of the Brazilian film, “you, me, them”
Pearl’s last blog post was… Tickle of Ideas
Here’s a crazy thought… you should start your own match making company. You know what you want and you’ve seen what doesn’t work. It’s like you’ve been doing your own research for some time now.
Be the one who does it right. If you think this way, then there must be others who share the same feelings.
Besides, when you own the company, you get first dibs! :-p
shnewt’s last blog post was… Bloody Mess
Just so you know, Yellowknife has a population of 20,000 and their are about 2000 more men than women
Just in case the matchmakers don’t work out …
oh, and more seriously, I know Susan from divine matchmaking quite well. If/when I’m looking for a serious relationship, I will personally use her, for sure.
We have a few GREAT matchmakers in Vancouver and many to be cautious of…it’s pretty obvious who is who with some research. Good luck.
Hello!
First time commenter – found you on google reader, lol.
I’m single, 30 and dating in Vancouver as well, and I agree, it sucks.
I tried eharmony for a few months but was no impressed with the guys they offered. Did lava – met a couple of guys, lost interest. POF, same thing, kept in contact with a couple, but mainly just ended in friendships.
I’m fairly stuck too. Been single now for a few months after a relationship and was single for about 3 years on and off before then… arg, hate this city for that, lol!
Kgrrrl’s last blog post was… friday
This looked interesting:
http://www.vancouversun.com/Life/Looking+love+your+chest/1460804/story.html
Hey guys… Thanks for weighing in, and sharing your ideas. Ronald, I agree — And your service sounds great (If I didn’t already have a coach, I’d use the female version)
@Lala — wow, that is a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that? Oh… But I am doing a singles-ONLY Tweetup coming up guys! Let me know if you want to be a part of it. Fun!
Tanya (aka NetChick)’s last blog post was… “Hello NetChick Sent Me” Meet n’ Greet!
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.
As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me. Thank you