Calgary vs. Vancouver
We’ve just passed the six month mark of living in our new city, Calgary. And, I won’t lie, it’s been a tough time for me.
When I moved from Vancouver, many of my close friends said… Tanya, you’ve got an uphill battle ahead of you. Calgary is not like Vancouver. I waved them off… I knew I’d miss being a couple blocks from the waterfront and the beach. I knew I’d encounter a slightly different mentality here in my new city — Of course the culture here will be different, I thought, It’s Alberta.
What I didn’t factor in, though, was the immense difference I’d face moving from a very urban, downtown home to a suburb at the far end of Calgary. Don’t get me wrong, though! I love the 3000 square feet of living space (the home theatre rocks my world), and the hot tub and fire pit outside get a lot of use. But, walking to get a coffee? Or, running down the road to meet up with a friend? It just can’t happen here. Hell, we don’t even have transit in our new neighbourhood after seven at night or on weekends.
And, the biggest factor I didn’t consider? Almost everyone, and I mean, 99% or more of the people I meet, have kids. We don’t, and we never will. It makes connecting with people very difficult. Of course they want to spend time with their children — that’s awesome. If I had kids, that would be my priority, too. But, coming from a place where almost none of our friends were so encumbered (and I mean that in the nicest possible way), this is a hurdle I’m having a great deal of difficulty overcoming.
Our neighbourhood is really friendly… We’ve got a lot of really great and welcoming neighbours, but they, too, are for the most part, young parents. We missed the first two and a half years on this street where the neighbours spent a lot of time with each other — Nowadays, there are still a few events the Close gets together to do, but, friendships have changed, and people have lives outside of “the block”. And, so it should be… But, we missed out on those early days.
My quest to find close friends here continues. I’ve got a couple of really amazing people I enjoy spending time with, but, they’re busy with their lives, and I don’t want to rely on just a few people. I can’t dismiss the fact that I’m instant gratification girl, and I want what I had in Vancouver, here, now. That’s not going to happen, obviously.
So, I have decided to enroll Barry and I in some classes… Maybe a wine tasting class that spans a few weeks, perhaps a cooking class or two — We need to get involved in something that we’re passionate about. I think that’ll help us connect with like-minded people. Barry joked last night at dinner… We need “speed dating” but for friends. Hey, that’s not a bad idea, actually.
What say you?
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Happy to belong to the 1%, missus.
View Angela´s recent blog entry: Trade winds blow elsewhere
Tanya – have you thought of joining a Newcomers Club? They exist in most major cities in Canada. When we first returned to Victoria we really enjoyed getting to know people who, like us, were relatively new to the city.
We found one for couples – in Calgary it looks like it might be more just for women.
http://www.newcomersclub.com/Canada/ab.html#Calgary
All the best settling in.
Some tough love here .. You moved to the Calgary equivalent of Cloverdale .. what did you expect?
If you want young, friendly, no kids, restaurants, walking .. then you need to get to Marda Loop or the Mission.
Our move to Cougar Ridge has come with some eye opening too, we love it but we dont loooooove it. A move to Bonavista is in the books for next year if we find a great place. It’s just one of the growing pains you get when you pick up and move.
It’s all good though, Tanya .. you’ll figure it out ..
(my apologies for being one of the breeders who has less time than he’d like for his grownup friends)
Hey Tanya – Might be in Calgary in the next several months visiting my ex-sister-in-law. I’ll be sure to drop you a line if I am!
View Tania´s recent blog entry: Is it ever going to be enough …
At least Cloverdale has a nice tea shop. I didn’t find Vancouver such a nice place when I moved back after a mere five years away. It has taken seven years to arrive at a point where I have good friends; none of my old friends are my friends now (they are too busy breeding). Classes, blogging and work friends worked for me (but I am very passionate about my field and I met others who like their jobs so this latter suggestion may not work for everyone).
At first I thought you were doing a post about hockey “Vanc vs Calgary” lol. I lived in Vancouver for 9 years and loved it. Don’t know why I moved back to the flatlands of Ontario. Six months in Calgary eh? That means you haven’t made it through one of their infamous winters yet. Not as bad as Winnipeg, but it’s supposed to get a little chilly in Calgary. Good luck!
View Chris Bradshaw´s recent blog entry: Hey-Bradshaw- RT @TurboGrandma @robdelaney The Tea Party would have died 100 times by now if the media didnt hungrily defibrillate it each day at dawn
That’s a tough one and my wife and I have been there. We had 4 moves in 6 years and then, after 4 years in Ann Arbor, MI, ended up in Vancouver 11 years ago. Although I am always interested in pursuing jobs in other cities that I’ve been recruited to, my wife is not interested in trying to make friends again. It seems to take a good few YEARS to settle into a new place…with the possible exception of colllege towns which are more welcoming. It sounds like you are trying to do all the right things….all that is left is patience. As has also been pointed out, moving to Edward Scissorhands type of suburbia instead of into a vibrant established part of town doesn’t help. But, that being said, there are great people everywhere in this world and you will find them.
Hey Love,
No, I told you sos. Really. I’m being good.
I think you’ve got the right mind-set. You’re making a good effort to meet people and your ideas of new plans are great.
It’s no fun – and part of it might be in accepting that this is might be difficult and that meeting people and adjusting will possibly take some time. But you’ll find people you connect with. You’re lovely and outgoing and, given some time, it will work out.
And I’m with “Maktaaq” – I moved to Vancouver about 11-12 years ago and it was a HUGE uphill effort to find people I connected with. Vancouver is often friendly, but sometimes superficially so. It’s not very easy to actually meet people and to make friends. And I am a fairly friendly, outgoing person (overall), who gets out plenty. That said, after a number of years, I was fortunate to meet people I like and connect with. But those first few years of living here sans friends and single – and kinda lonely – hey, I’m glad to be past that.
View Monica Hamburg´s recent blog entry: Cos Im a Star Gonna Make You a Star!
It took me forever to make friends in Calgary, and even when I did they weren’t super close because they had their own circles and I was the outsider. Granted, I didn’t try very hard – spent most of my time in Calgary trying to get out – but it’s certainly tainted my view of the city. You’ll be welcome with open arms if you choose to come home, or supported from afar if you stick it out – just do what makes you happy.
View Kimli´s recent blog entry: woka woka
You should check out http://www.meetup.com. I’ve found lots of friends through a few different groups on there.
Tanya, I can say I feel for you. 4 years ago when we moved just from Port Moody to Coquitlam, I felt the same way. I think you are right about finding like minded people and finding a passion that you and Barry can do and meet people through. Or you could always pop out a couple of kids and get to know all the Mom’s and Dad’s at the playground. ( hehehe… just kidding ) My thoughts are with you for sure. Knowing you and your wonderful outgoing infectious and bubbly personality, you will have no problem getting to where you want to go. It took me about a year to a year and half to feel “at home” after my move even though I had friends in other nearby cities. You will get there for sure!
Hang in there my friend. Big hugs!
Tanya ~
I’m always happy to get together. We either just have to time it right in terms of my kid schedule or we do something acceptable for my kids. Being the ages they are, we have many options!
And maybe we could even reminisce about our youthful days and do things like lasertag, roller rink, etc. ? hee hee
Oh honey
This is hard. It’s hard not to say the four rotten words (we told…), but they don’t do anything to help now.
You’re outgoing and social and aren’t afraid of approaching people, which is GOOD because being in your situation and shy would be almost insurmountable!
I think you have two main issues… the first being the normal culture change/needing to find new friends in a new city, but the second being the fact that physically where you guys are living is so far to one corner that inevitably you are living away from most of the people you’re likely to meet. Even with friends, as Buzz said, you’re essentially in Cloverdale.
You’re doing the right things with talking about joining classes etc, especially longer term ones so you see the same people over and over (otherwise, how can you possibly connect).
Beyond that, I know from the one failed attempt that Reilly and I made at moving away from the downtown core when we lived in Edmonton, even when you find new friends HOW you socialize has probably got to change quite substantially.
Meeting up for a glass of wine on a whim isn’t an option when there’s 45 minutes or an hour between you and you have to drive (which means you can’t have more than a glass or two even if you manage to meet up). Given the distance, time with friends needs to be a lot less spontaneous and a lot more planned and especially so when it comes to even a little alcohol – if you’re like us, you’ll probably quickly get into the habit of taking turns with who gets to drink over dinner/an evening, and who has to drive (something that was never even a concern in Vancouver).
Start making a list of some of the things you’d like to get out and do so you don’t run out of quick suggestions when you are getting to know people – lasertag & roller rink as mentioned above are good starts
As it will be more of a commitment to get together I think you’re going to have to focus on longer, more involved social activities (especially on weekends) rather than quickly grabbing coffee as you might have done here.
Thinking of you, I know you’ll find your way through this
Oh – and while Buzz’s suggestion of moving to a better area is an option, if you ever sell that house you had better be moving back here
((hugs))
Ok, honey
Some tough love from me. And you know I love you, always have and always will. But the realities are hitting you just at the same time as they are hitting me. My friends here are also breeding. See the case of Ianiv and Arieanna. I love them both and I’ve spent time with them even after they have had their first child. Probably not the same time we used to, and probably not doing all the adult things we used to love, but I really enjoy Aiden’s company (he’s turning one on Saturday!) and have taken him as my “adoptive nephew”. Part of the process, I guess. Like Ianiv and Arieanna, many others of our friends are preggers (Karen Gurney, Jen Watkiss, etc.) — whether we like it or not, it’s going to happen.
The thing is – you have the ability to build communities, networks and perhaps the community there isn’t there yet, but you are the one who builds them. Ten years ago, blogging wasn’t what is now. You became one of the pillars of blogging in Vancouver, THE NetChick thanks to the continued YEARS of work building an online AND offline community.
Here’s where the tough love comes: things take time, honey. And you WILL build a great community of friends who care about you just as much as we love you here.
Success overnight, my dear, takes between 10 and 15 years. I am not saying that that’s how long it’s going to take you to build a network of close friends, but Rome wasn’t built in one day. And strong, life-long lasting friendships are not built in six months. Let’s be real here.
I know you’re a instant gratification girl, but you are the role model and example of a strong, outgoing, vibrant, smart female leader. Show Calgary what you got, and more importantly, show us all who love you from here that you got it.
I am rooting for you. Because I love you.
Agreeing with @Raul. You are gifted at building community. But if you ever wish to not be the one who builds it (and I can imagine that might be the case sometimes!) … Yellowknife is *amazing* for community and welcoming. I have in Yellowknife within 1 year what it took a good 5 years to build in Vancouver. So if you want warm community, come to a cold climate
(I can hope, right?)
Meantime, thank goodness for skype, the blogosphere and westjet.
View Nancy (aka money coach)´s recent blog entry: Didn’t think I’d live to see this kind of sign in Vancouver
After several years of seeking like-minded types after moving to Salt Lake City (everything you described about suburban Calgary, but on steroids), I stopped trying so hard…and that’s when fate started bringing good people into my life (or was it the influx of imports that happened after the Olympics and the real estate market crash in Cali?)Anyhow, maybe stop wishing and trying so hard? Lame advice, I know. Sorry.
And for the record, I prefer the more politically correct term “person with kids” to being referred to as a “breeder” :0)
Sounds like you are doing some great things to get out and meet other couples. Where else do young hip professionals hang out there?
Glad to see you are wisely not expecting each other to fill all of your needs. Take care