This is not a passive-aggressive post…
Hi guys… Thanks for popping in on this fine Wednesday. I thought I’d take a few minutes to write about something that has been bothering me for quite a while.
First of all, I just want to say, DO NOT READ INTO THIS POST as anything more than an attempt by me to talk about something that is bothering me about many, many interactions over the past couple of years online. This post is not directed at anyone specific, okay? (I don’t even know why I feel the need to say this, but maybe it’ll all become clear once you read what I’ve got to say.)
I started blogging 14 years ago, and let me tell you, it was a steep, steep learning curve to figure out what was acceptable to say and share on this site, and what simply wasn’t cool. Because my “blog” was more like an online journal back then, and I wrote fairly anonymously, I shared more. Hell, blogging wasn’t even a verb back then.
During the early years, things I said on previous incarnations of this site – and I admit now that I shared too much – pushed people’s buttons. I was going through a divorce, and was reaching out for help, support and guidance from friends, and my filter was not defined at all. Let’s face it, online etiquette wasn’t really clear back then.
I quickly learned that sharing info about my friends here (without their approval, despite me attempting to hide who I was talking about) or speaking out about something that should be brought up in a phone call rather than via a blog entry was an absolute no-no. Feelings were hurt, anger flared. You get the picture.
But, this was in the early years.
Since that time, etiquette online has been estabilished. Common sense (even if it’s still not so common) usually is encorporated in the social media platforms, and I’ve seen great improvements for the most part, in this area.
Except… When it comes to Twitter and Facebook. Why the hell is it that people treat others so poorly on these sites? Things, some would never say to the face of another, are proclaimed with such intensity on these sites, that it makes my head spin sometimes.
Clearly, there needs to be some sort of guideline people can use, so that feelings don’t get hurt, and friend’s relationships aren’t ruined because the written word was taken incorrectly? I don’t get how this can be so difficult? Take a breath, pause, and don’t fly off the deep end when you take offense to something someone has said.
I’ll leave you with the filter that I incorporated years ago… If you wouldn’t say something to your Dad that you want to share with the world, (he used to read this site when he was alive), or are too chicken to verbally say something that is bothering you to the person your anger, frustration or hurt is directed at, how about, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
Pick up the phone, people. You’ll eliminate many misconstrued issues that way.
YOUR TURN: What are your thoughts on this?
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Amen, sista!
I get so annoyed at people who can’t simply talk directly to the person they are angry at. It’s stupid and childish. I for one, tell people why I’m unfriending them on Facebook, if I find their interactions abusive or offensive. Your post isn’t passive-agressive at all.
Thanks Rich! There’s been so many issues lately (especially on Twitter) where I just want to throw up my hands and say, WHY CAN’T WE ALL GET ALONG? (or, at least, be adults?)
The other day, I honest to god, saw someone comparing a Twitter peep to Hitler! Hitler, seriously? How thoughtless and mean was that?
I don’t get it.
View Tanya (@netchick)´s recent blog entry: This is not a passive-aggressive post…
I hate passive aggressiveness, too. And I completely agree. It’s so insane that we can’t tell people things to their face. You’re someone who has always told me things as you see them and I’m forever grateful to you for that. Much love.
Hey Raul… Yep, I’m definitely straightforward
But, so are you, and that’s why we get along so well. I’m sorry to hear about your issues of late (one of the many reasons why I wrote this post, actually) and am saddened that someone would be so hurtful.
But, hey, it takes a small person to be so mean, and certainly not one you’d want to be associated with, anyhow. I’m forever grateful I have you in my life xox
Thanks for popping by. You rock!
What you say reminds me also of some of the flame things that happen on bulletin boards. A perfectly sensible discussion gets barged into by someone whose motivations are disruption rather than conversation or debate.
Sometimes its easier to quietly delete such disrupters and move back into positivity and proper discourse.
View rashbre´s recent blog entry: Heston Mince Pies – Are they Ecc?
Oh my god Tanya… did you read this? I think it may solve a lot of our problems…
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-decoy-website-launched-to-lure-away-all-moroni,26393/
Hi Rashbre – good point. That’s another area that’s HORRID for interaction sometimes. Anonymity sure brings out bad behaviour. I think people should have to use their real names, and their IP addresses should be visible on forum sites.
I’ve taken a no-drama approach, these days. If someone hurts or upsets me and I know them personally, I CALL. If I don’t know them, I write them a quick tweet or message in a private way, and then I delete. “Only positive, caring people” is my motto. Life is WAY WAY WAY too short to be hurt by people intentionally creating hurt. I’m living the moments!
OMG Shnewt!! That’s AWESOME!
My favourite part: “We’ve seen a huge drop in the number of CNN.com commenters accusing one another of being f***ing retard dipshits, and the once common practice among users of equating any viewpoint they do not personally share to the philosophy of the Taliban has almost entirely disappeared.”