Well, I see I’m missing out on a lot down in San Francisco this week… Namely, the announcement of Apple’s new laptop. I don’t know about you, but that’s a must-have item for me! How have I done without it to date? (ps: Have a close look at the automated sentences that pop-up in the article, hehe!)

I *heart* the Onion.

It’s simple really: I’m self-sabotaging.

The ‘why’ is a bit harder to figure out, but after abundant reflection over the holidays — one of the few times of the year I really feel the full effects of being single — I have come to some conclusions and will hopefully be able to change some of the behaviour that is propelling me down the singlehood trail; A path I know I don’t really want to be on.

Here’s what I’ve figured out:

I’m afraid of the stress an intimate relationship can sometimes bring to my life.
Out of the five major relationships I’ve had in my adult life, two of them were tumultuous and extremely painful. One of them was downright unhealthy to the point of scary… In fact, I had friends literally do an intervention to get me away from that one guy. It’s taken me a long time to heal from that experience, and perhaps that’s why I’ve often heard from men in my life that I don’t open up easily or show vulnerability.

I recognize though, that all relationships have ups and downs, but I also need to let go when the relationship is failing beyond repair. If I had done this in my previous relationships, I wouldn’t be dealing with overcoming the fear of unhealthy relationships now. I’ve also worked hard to have positive “couple role models” in my life, which really helps.

I avoid situations where I could meet a new guy in person.
Going back the the vulnerability issue again — I recognize that I hide my acute shyness by putting a strong, impenetrable shell up. Guys have to work too hard to get to know me. I find the whole flirting process rather frustrating because I’m so horrible at it. It’s a fact… I’ve tried to get better at it, but the shyness always, always creeps back in when the shield goes down a bit. I know guys take this as me being aloof or cold, and it’s a really difficult issue to overcome for me. Thus, I avoid situations that make me feel this way.

Which is actually quite strange, because in business, I’m bold, outgoing and confident. I doubt there’s a single contact in my business life that would peg me as shy. I haven’t quite figured out yet how to transfer this confidence and attitude to my personal life without feeling like I have my business hat on… It’s something I still need to work on.

I crave time by myself.
This one is really odd. Odd, because if you’d asked me this a couple of years ago, or flipped back a couple of years on my blog, you would see that I wasn’t always this way. I used to love having people around most of the time. Sharing my home with a roommate was awesome, and I enjoyed living with Michael for the most part - having someone to wake up to was wonderful. So, why the change? I think I’ve figured it out — It’s not really that I love being alone so much as I have become a bit set in my ways, and it’s now hard to imagine making room for someone else. That would be work. But, that effort would also bring benefits far outweighing the work I’d have to do. Let’s face it… It’s a dumb excuse for being single, and this issue is probably my easiest one to fix.

I’m utterly terrified of facing heartbreak again.
This is a big one. I was head-over-heels in love with my last boyfriend. We had our issues, for sure, but it was a total shock when my last relationship ended. Looking back, I can now see all the signs, but at the time, I was a bit clueless. Most of my friends said they thought we were mis-matched from the start, and it took me a long time to see what they meant. My heart has finally healed from that mess, (it took about a year) but just when I thought I could move on to something new, my Dad died… More heartbreak. So, I took another year to heal, rather than get into a relationship that I wasn’t ready for. I can’t say I’m not still terrified of the pain, but again, I can’t have the awesome parts of a relationship without the possibility of being hurt again. I just have to suck it up.

I have unreasonable expectations for who “Mr. Right” is.
This issue is more of an excuse for not giving someone a chance, I know. But, it’s hard to let go of some of the non-negotiables that I’ve put in place to make sure I don’t repeat the problems of the past. I think it’s high time for me to sit down, and re-think the list, though. I haven’t really put much time into considering what’s really important, and what I can live with. I’m far from perfect, and I shouldn’t expect any guy to be, either.

I know none of these issues are insurmountable. I just have to remember how I felt when I was happy in a meaningful relationship, and want that again. I’m getting there.

Thank you to the wonderful people who play multiple times, each of you are guilty of spreading lots of comment cheer - hugs from me.

Spread the Comment Cheer!

How to play:

• – Leave a comment here that says hello.
• – Now, go visit the person who commented above you, leave a comment on their site that includes the oft-repeated tagline: Hello, Michele NetChick sent me.

Please play along.

Note to the first person commenting: simply say hello to me.

And YES, of course you are invited to play often. As you know, Michele always encouraged this, and so do I!

I’m bored to tears! Well, that may be a bit exaggerated, but still — B.O.R.E.D.

Tomorrow is a busy day, so maybe I’ll get to bed early tonight. I haven’t gotten a really long sleep in weeks — Perhaps tonight I will?

What are you looking forward to, this weekend? Whatever you get up to, I hope it’s fun!

I wish all of you a wonderful, happy, and prosperous 2009! I just know this is going to be a great year for us all!

Love,
T.

I just got home, and called Jason and Zoe to let them know I got here safely despite the snow falling (again).

Happy birthday Z! I hope you had a great birthday! I had a fabulous time tonight!

What did you get up to, to ring in the new year?

OMG, how cute is that???!!! Okay, I have a soft spot for large (smart) birds, what can I say?

Maybe I’m weird?

I think that planning a bunch of life-altering changes all at once set people up for failure. I used to feel obligated because of the calendar date to make a large list of resolutions, but I’ve come to learn that it’s not healthy for me to do this. They rarely stick, when incorporated with other changes at the same time.

It doesn’t take the roll-over of a new year for me to look within me and figure out what needs to change — I do that most days. If anything, it’s my birthday that I find is my season of review… But, I never try to instigate a ton of changes all at once at that time either.

How about you? Do you make New Years resolutions? Do they usually work out?

Thank you to the wonderful people who play multiple times, each of you are guilty of spreading lots of comment cheer - hugs from me.

Spread the Comment Cheer!

How to play:

• – Leave a comment here that says hello.
• – Now, go visit the person who commented above you, leave a comment on their site that includes the oft-repeated tagline: Hello, Michele NetChick sent me.

Please play along.

Note to the first person commenting: simply say hello to me.

And YES, of course you are invited to play often. As you know, Michele always encouraged this, and so do I!

I remember staring into them for endless hours as they hung on our family Christmas tree and making mini wishes. I guess I felt as if these little sparkly spheres possessed magical powers.

You know what? I still think they do! Happy Boxing Day!
Laura

Ever wonder if an ornament is vintage or a good reproduction? Check out these tips from Wikipedia:

1. Look at the topper and hanger: gold, thin metal or plastic toppers & hangers mean it’s a newer piece, maybe a reproduction.
2. Original vintage ornaments used steel or a silver metal for tops. A small, metal, dull or slightly verdigris or rusty topper indicates this is an older ornament! Also look for a seam. If you see a seam down the sides, it’s most likely a reproduction, not an original handblown.
3. Some early Victorian ornaments from the 1800’s - early 1900’s are amazingly, still found at online auctions, even though they are really very old. Look for crinkly wire wrapped glass balls, or glass ornaments with NO SEAM…they are probably hand blown glass, not molded. Some used string or feathers as decoration. European (German, Polish, Austrian, Italian or French) handblown glass ornaments come in a variety of shapes: Houses, churches, fruits, nuts, hot air balloons, flowers, baskets with flowers, birds, etc. Especially popular are icicles, handblown and handpainted in rainbow colors, or metallic icy silver. Beautiful vintage Polish ornaments, round, teardrop or oval, are usually handpainted with intricate flowers, feathers and dots. The metal tops might say POLAND.
4. Wartime (1940’s) glass balls were painted, but not using metallic paints: you won’t see golds or silvers then. All metal was reserved for fabrication for the war. Look for primary coloured solids (red, yellow & blue) on clear glass, with dots, stripes or topped with snow. The metal cap might say MADE IN USA.
5. Vintage 1950’s glass ornaments come in a great variety of sizes and prints, with popular colors like reds, pinks, mossy greens and icy blues. Look for metallic paint (Mercury Glass), little frosty scenes (”stencil”) or starburst centers (”indents”) , and snow (”flocking”). A popular company at that time was Shiny Brite. They made jumbo sized glass balls down to teeny tiny mini glass balls the size of a pea, with string for hangers.

But, I had a fabulous time… And, I only hope I’m this lucky with the opportunities to get out and have some fun and meet new people, next year.

Today is the last day of work for me until the 30th (a week off… YAY!) but I have plenty of personal stuff at home to catch up on. You see, I’m rolling out a new professional blog just after New Years, so I need to put some time into that.

What’s your plan for the rest of the holidays? Are you working any more between now and New Years? Have a great Tuesday, guys!

Either way, I re-activated my online dating profile tonight.

Yep, that sounds like a special-kind-of-kind of crazy I know. …Because it sounds crazy to me, too.

But, I live in Vancouver. And, despite being to over 2 dozen Christmas and Holiday gatherings over the past month, I can say, not one legitimate prospect made themselves known.

And, I can say, in *any* other city I’ve ever spent time in, I’ve never had this problem.

I know it’s not me, now.

So, “online dating profiles” will continue to be a part of my life, despite my every effort to eliminate them.

It’s all good.

Oh, and if your second cousin, once-removed needs a date to his New Years celebration (provided he is willing to join me to my pre-set parties that night) — Drop me a line. Better yet, tell him “to drop the Vancouverite persona, and drop me a line, himself”

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $ 96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it was those bastards at the Post Office.
Edna

——————————————-
What are you looking forward to this wintery weekend?

Me? To be honest, I haven’t decided. First weekend in months where I do have plans, but have committed to none… It kind of feels good.

Fuji has a really cool promotion going on now, and is giving away some pretty cool gifts for the holiday season… Get on the F List and see if you can score some of the prizes:

The F List Scavenger Hunt – Fuji has hidden some photo clues around Vancouver and you can win a Fujifilm S100fs valued at over $700 – One was found today by Tyler Ingram… Will you get the other one?

The F List “Best & Worst Ever Gift Contest” – All you need to do is submit a photo of your gems and disasters from holidays past, and get your votes in to win! I know I have some pretty major doozy’s for gifts of holidays past to snap a few shots of, and I bet you do, too!

The F List Instant Win Contest - Click on the image above! You might just win instantly!

Fuji also has a holiday survival blog as well as the F List Gift Finder which gives out the best camera and non-camera gift depending on the person you plug into it!

…Finally, watch this blog for a future review of a Fuji S2000hd — I’ll be playing with it, taking some video, and posting the results here!

Photo by Tris Hussey

Despite the frightful weather in Vancouver, last night’s meetup was a total success… Thanks so much to everyone for braving the elements and sharing some Holiday Cheer with us all! A special thank-you goes out to my co-organizers who made this all possible: Shane Gibson, Steve Jagger, Monica Hamburg and Yam De La Pena! You guys were a ton of fun to plan this with!

I’m hoping to convince the four other meetups involved last night to combine again for another fun get-together mid-next year… I think it’s an excellent way to break out of the focused Meetups, and expand all of our social circles from time to time!

Were you there, last night?

Mind you, I’ve only got all-seasons on my car, but at least I know how to drive in the stuff.

That said, the snow is still falling quite fast, and accumulating. I’m afraid of what the roads will be like when I leave the office today (albeit early as I was in early).

I’m also hoping that everyone will brave the weather and make it to the big bash tonight… It’s going to be a blast!

We’ve got about 300 people, combined, between all five meetups. It’s going to be a blast, and I hope to see you there! If you haven’t already, go and RSVP now, to ensure you are on the list. We’re at pretty close to capacity… Don’t miss this awesome opportunity to expand your network, connect, and have fun in a casual atmosphere.

There are door prizes valued up to $500.00 each, donated by Ceilis Irish Pub, Reachd, Ubertor, Blue Olive Photography, and DeSmogBlog.com as well as several other organizations! (Thanks to all of our sponsors of this unique event!)

Cost: Free (Sponsored by Ceilis) but bring something for the Food Bank if you can. (Collection Boxes will be there)

Schedule:

6:00 pm Arrive, get your free drink ticket and your Meetup Badge
6:30 pm 5 minute welcome and thanks to the sponsors
6:35 pm til late: Positive community building and networking anarchy!
8:00 pm prize draws and twitpic of the night award.

See you there!! Don’t forget to bring your Food Bank donation! HO! HO! HO!

Tonight, I got home, made some pasta, cracked open a nice bottle of wine, and curled up under my big fuzzy blanket in front of the tv… And watched the latest Lipstick Jungle that I had cued for this evening.

Half way through the episode, a haunting song came on. The lyrics made tears well in my eyes. It was so beautiful, and the words were perfect…

I’m tired of all my sad stories, finished with my fear
—
I close my eyes to remember
—
Surrender
—
Endings are beginnings…

[See post to listen to audio]

I immediately paused the show, ran to grab my iPhone, and rewound to the beginning of the song. Unfortunately, the iPhone app, Shazam, didn’t recognize the artist.

I decided, though, that I HAD to know who that was. I didn’t recognize the voice at all… So, instead of watching the rest of the show, I went to trusty Google, and found a couple of other people who were inquiring about the artist as well. Moments later, I was downloading an absolutely inspired album by Sara Genn called BedMusic.

It’s only available as a digital download, and it rocks. I’ve emailed Sara to ask her if I can sample part of that song here, but if not, use the link above, and have a listen yourself. I’m betting you love her music as much as I do.

This find was absolutely perfect timing tonight. It’s amazing how inspiring and uplifting a song can be, hey?

Thanks Sara for lifting my heart tonight. You rock!

UPDATE: Sara got back to me tonight, and was pleased to share her sample here… So, please click the mp3 player above to hear a sample of the song. And, interestingly enough, Sara is on her way back to Vancouver (her hometown) tomorrow to share the holidays with her family… How crazy is that! Thanks for sharing your beautiful music with us all, Sara!

Each morning, I find myself waking to a bad attitude. It feels like the sole purpose for my life right now is to do a good job at work. That’s it. And, although I truly enjoy my career, it’s clearly not enough for a life’s purpose. I mean, come on… It’s not like I’m finding a cure for cancer.

I don’t have a significant other to dream with (by choice… and maybe I’ll write another blog entry about why I am where I am right now in that department), I don’t have kids (again, by choice… I had my opportunity to go there in my marriage, and decided that kids didn’t fit into my life plan), I don’t have family that relies on me for anything (and, other than my new-found birth family, I don’t really have family) — So, where’s my motivation? Where do I gain the passion for living a great life?

I obviously need to gain some perspective again. I often find myself not fully enjoying the time that I spend with my friends, and those should be my bright moments — The moments to look forward to. Instead, I prefer time spent on my own. This is probably due to the fact that I’ve been sick lately, broken a molar in half (PAIN), and messed up my knee. Pain will drive anyone to feeling low, this I know.

And, it’s Christmas. I know that I’m feeling down because of the season… But, really, this is ridiculous. I’ve been feeling this way for weeks, and I’ve got to do something about it.

Everything in me says I should be thankful for all that I have — And I am. My life is rich and full. I just need to find out how to actually feel the joy again. I really miss it.

Your turn: When you lose the “joy”, how do you find it again?

Thank you to the wonderful people who play multiple times, each of you are guilty of spreading lots of comment cheer - hugs from me.

Spread the Comment Cheer!

The site of the day: the person above you and then you.

How to play:

• – Leave a comment here that says hello.
• – Now, go visit the person who commented above you, leave a comment on their site that includes the oft-repeated tagline: Hello, Michele NetChick sent me.

Please play along.

Note to the first person commenting: simply say hello to me.

And YES, of course you are invited to play often. As you know, Michele always encouraged this, and so do I!

——————–

For the NetChick visitors that have never seen this… Check out Michele’s fabulous blog here for how it worked, then come back here and play along!